28 Jan First-Gen Voices Interview Transcript: Brendan

Interviewers: Lux Darkbloom & Jimena Prieto Andrew
Interview Subject: Brendan Nguyen

Brendan: My name is Brendan Nguyen, and I’m a first-generation student, Asian-American and first student [in his family] to go to college, but yeah, that’s a little bit about me. 

Lux: Do you want to tell us a little bit about, like, your family, where you grew up, anything like that? 

Brendan: Yeah, definitely. My parents immigrated from Vietnam. Some of them came, some of my family members came here because of the war. You know, they’d just have a better life. So they sacrificed a lot coming here and wanting the best for them and for me as well. But we originally grew up from West Valley, Utah, which is only the west of Utah, like deep by a Hunter High School area. And we’re still here today in West Valley. You know, it’s a great place. A lot of people say it’s bad for some reason, but we think it’s pretty normal there, but . . .

Lux: I love West Valley.

Jimena: I think it’s pretty normal. I live there, and I think it’s pretty normal.

Brendan: Yeah, like some people are like, “Where are you from?” I’m like, “Oh, from West Valley.” I’m like, “Oh, dude, don’t you get stabbed there.” I’m like, “Bro, what?” [laughs]

Jimena: I know it’s like…

Brendan: All right, I think it’s pretty normal. But yeah, that’s a little bit background about, like, where my parents are from and where I’m from.

Lux: Do you have siblings?

Brendan: Yeah, so my siblings. We have a big age gap. You know, like I’ll be straightforward. You know, my dad remarried with this with a second woman in his life. So those are my half-sisters and they’re really far off compared to me. You know, I’m like, I just turned 21, and they’re like– what . . . one of them is 11, 12 and the other one is like only one-years-old. So, like, I don’t think I’m a sibling no more. I look like a dad to them. You know, so people think those are my kids, but they’re just my siblings. But yeah, those are the only siblings that I have. So like, I gotta make sure I, you know, represent.

Jimena: I understand that, though. My little sister– we have a big age gap. She’s five, and I’m 22. And so like, I took her to school this morning and like, people just looking like, she’s my sister! Like, I’m not her mom, like, I’m the sister!

Lux: So as far as college goes, what motivated you to pursue higher education?

Brendan: Yeah, definitely. I mean, there’s a couple of reasons, you know, why, if you ask me personally, my reason is like, oh, it’s because I’m going like, because my parents, you know, like coming from as an Asian background, you know, a lot of parents make you go to school, where you [unintelligible] high school, you know, there’s no way of like, “oh, I want to drop out– not drop out– well, I want to like, oh, start a business out of high school or like do, do me outta high school, do this high school, or just work for a year or two.” “No, you’ve got to go straight to college. You gotta start already applying” and stuff like that, you know. And that’s what I was kind of forced into. I guess he says like Asian stereotype. So like, oh, the Asians got to go to college, go universities, like top universities, to, like, get their career, you know, and like, first, they did want me to become a doctor or, like, mechanical engineer, like a lot of the Asian stereotypes stuff, you know. But like, once like, I told them like, “Yeah, I gotta, like, lean, like lean away and do my own thing. Like, yes, I’ll go college for you guys, you know, but like, I want– at least let me pick what I want to do, you know?” And so I decided to become a business student, so I’m majoring in marketing and management right now. You know not doing a doctor or nothing like that [laughs], but, you know, I think it’s just hard, just going to college, knowing that like, oh, there’s that Asian, like, standards that you have, you know, like, I feel like the stereotypes are Asians of like, oh, becoming a doctor and all that stuff. Yeah, like, it is, like, a common stereotype, but sometimes I feel like maybe it is true because I look back at it with my other cousins, you know, they’re doctors, you know, I’m like, oh, shoot, you know, these stereotypes are kind of true with me, you know, in my family like, cousins are doctors, one of the nurse, one of the medical assistant, one of them is a surgeon, I was like, bro, what would I do, you know? But yeah, if you asked me if I want to go college, I would not be here, you know, like I would, I didn’t want to go college, but you would say, I feel forced to be here, but I’m still trying to make the best of it, you know, like, you just got to know that, oh, like, you got a name on the degree, you know, and that name represents your family, not just you, you know, and I feel like that name holds a lot of value for them, you know, because they didn’t really like live their life of like having higher education or be able to finish high school in general, you know, so like, you just doing it for them, at the end, you do it, you get them the degree, all right, you can now do your own thing now, you know, like, you gotta just hold it for five more years, four more years, so then just give them the degree and then go off and do your own thing after.

Lux: That sounds like a lot of pressure.

Brendan: [laughs]

Jimena: Yeah

Lux: So much pressure, how do you cope with that?

Brendan: Uh, it’s pretty bad, but I really don’t cope with it, I just like, I just gotta go through it, you know, because like, I don’t know, it’s because how like, at least when my family grew up was like, “You don’t got time to cope, you don’t got time to do this, you know, like, you don’t got time to like, bitch and complain about what’s going on with you, you know, because there’s other people outside that are like, doing worse than you, you know, you better be grateful that you’re in college because there’s people back at home that like, can’t even get like a meal right now, and you out here in college bullshitting with saying like, you don’t want to be in college, you’re like, not doing the most of it,” you know, so like, I really don’t got time to cope about it. I like, like, I guess you’d say, you know, you gotta do, like, thick skin with it, and I’m not sure it’s just a whole like, you know, being a fresh-generation student thing and being like, knowing how to like, do your own thing, figure out yourself and be the first kind of like, I guess their first like, uh, project to see how everything goes and all that. So then like, you could let your siblings know like, “Alright, this is what you gotta do, you know, to make sure this doesn’t happen to you.” So I guess you say, I’m a fresh experiment to see how things go, but I really don’t cope. I just, I guess it’s kind of stupid. I just stuck it out, you know, I just be like, you know, like, you gotta try your best, you know, like, you show like, oh, you down or you’re kind of weak, you know, like, you show that you’re like, college kicking your ass and you’re like, you know, you’re just showing your weakness, you got like, just go through it, you know, like, yeah, you failed the class. Alright, just move on and do it, do better, you know, like, don’t just cry about it. Or just like, you know, be sad about it. Just try to do better than you can yesterday.

Lux: Yeah, like, stay moving forward.

Brendan: Yeah

Lux: Instead of getting hung up on stuff that might have looked like a failure in some sense.

Brendan: Yeah.

Lux: That sounds very hard, though.

Jimena: Yeah, have you found like, like, student orgs or like, friends here that like, help you to look forward to it a little bit more?

Brendan: With like school or– ?

Jimena: Yeah, like school involvement here, or is it just, like…

Brendan: Oh, don’t get me wrong. Like, school is great and all, like, I reflect a lot. And I’m like, okay, if I wasn’t in school, what did I not get? What would I not get? You know, and like here, like, in school, I was able to make memories with a lot of my friends, made closer, like, relationships with my other friends. I was able to be a part of some sort of organization, student organization. I feel like, find myself as, like, an Asian-American here, you know, I felt like I found some of my people that I could relate to and all that. But like, so don’t get me wrong. There’s like a lot of positives going to school. But like, you talking about, like, education-wise and your mental health-wise, like, I feel like that’s kind of lacking. Like, yeah, there is a lot of, like, mental health research out there. But, you know, they just tell you, like, “Alright, like, this is what you need to do.” But like, they don’t know– they don’t show you how to do it in your situation, you know, like everyone’s situation is different with mental health. And like, I feel like they just tell you, all right, here’s this. Now go figure out how this will apply to you, you know, but like, isn’t the reason why I’m here is to, like, figure out how to do it, you know? Yeah, but, you know, school, higher education is really cool, you know, like, you get to build yourself as a character, you get to know who you are, you get to use the resources that are there for you, you know, since it’s, like, part of your tuition, you know. And like, you’ll find a lot of great memories and connection with people. And one big thing with higher education, I see is that, like, it’s not just about school and the books, it’s also about, like, being able to have– to connect and like, network yourself and to market your name and yourself as a person, you know. And like, I think that’s what stands out the most, like, who is going to achieve longer when you’re done with school, you know? Who’s going to have a better career or a more successful career? Is it the people that are just hitting the books and just doing it by the books, or is it the people that are like reaching out and marketing themselves out there and putting themselves in the mix, you know, let them stand out for them, you know? So that’s what I, like, found out in higher education or in college is that like, you got to know how to market yourself and brand yourself as a person and get your name out there because, you know, there’s a million people, like, “Oh, you know, there’s a million Brandens on this campus, but–” “Oh, you’re talking about the Asian Branden that, like, does this and this?” “Oh, yeah, I know him.” You know, like, you got to market yourself and, like, get yourself, like, out there, just, you know, like, alright, this is the person that they’re talking about, which is you, you know? But when it comes to, you know, just, what was your other question, too?

Jimena: No, no, no, just that, like, is there anything that, like, you look forward to or, like, just things that you’ve enjoyed? Yeah, you answered it pretty well.

Brendan: Okay, cool.

Jimena: [Unintelligible], you know?

Lux: Yeah, that was great. I’m actually really interested, too, in hearing about what your experiences have been like in the College of Business.

Brendan: You know, a lot of people would say, “Oh, you know, this, this–” the stereotypes, the jokes, “Oh, you business people, you guys just wake up and watch TED Talks, and then you’ll do, like, a test on it.” And then just walk away, you know, but like, shoot, I don’t know about other majors, but I’m struggling in business, and people say it’s an easy degree or something like that, you know. Maybe it’s because higher education isn’t for me and maybe it’s because like, my, I don’t understand why my education level is kind of, like, different than everyone else, but I don’t know. I definitely struggle with school for sure. Like, I’m not going to like, gatekeep and like, you know, hide that I don’t struggle. I do struggle with school, you know, and like, specifically what [unintelligible] with the business program, you know, it’s a lot of like, knowing formulas if you’re doing finance or knowing calculations if you’re doing accounting stuff, you know, I feel like it’s just those– anything that involves with numbers, I lack on that, I struggle with that and like, the business school is great, having tutors and having the free resources of the tutors and peer tutors that will help you out, you know, like, they let you know, like, okay, you know, a lot of people struggle with this PCOR 3010–which is accounting–and PCOR 3020–which is financing–a lot of people struggle with that. So they provide free resources and tutoring for that. The only thing I wish that was they promoted that anymore because when I found out about that, it was already too late for me because I was, like, dude, all right, it took this class, you know, like, what the hell. I wish I knew this before, like, I took it, you know, but yeah . . .

Lux: Ironic that it’s [unintelligible] a marketing problem.

Brendan: Yeah, definitely, yeah, I was like, you’re a business building. You’re supposed to know how to market yourself out there. [Laughs] But, no, business school, the business school is pretty good. You know, like I said, like, upper division stuff is definitely struggling. The application process is definitely hard, you would say, you know. A lot of people, they think, oh, they’re doing the intro class, like, the 1,000 class, or the introduction class, they think, oh, that’s automatically already in the business school. It’s like, no, bro, you gotta take– you gotta take one more level and then you pass that the second level, that’s when you apply for, like, upper divisions. And once you pass out for divisions, you gotta apply again for what major you’re doing. So it’s like, different level and tiers that you gotta apply, but I’m not sure how other, how other, like, majors do it, but that’s how the business school does it. It’s like, there’s like different tiers that you gotta like, hit, you know, like, you gotta have a certain GPA, like, oh, automatic, like, automatic acceptance is like, oh, like, if you like, three, one, or higher with A’s on these certain classes and all that stuff. So it’s just, it’s different with the business school with all these different criteria and all that stuff. 

Lux: One thing that I think is really significant in the College of Business is the tuition differentials.

Jimena: Oh, yeah.

Lux: Could you talk a little bit about your experience with those?

Brendan: Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I’m free to share how much I pay, too. I’m a broke-ass college student. Like, I nothing on my name, but every semester, so FAFSA kind of played a part of it. Like, my first year, I didn’t know what FAFSA was, I didn’t know how to apply my, you know, like, not a lot of people knew me could tell me what it was. Like, Kevin, who’s from First-Gen [Scholars], and he, that director, that, like, it was crazy was that he was my high school, like, college advisor. And then next thing you know, he becomes like my, like, another advisor, but for First-Gen [Scholars], you could say, but he was telling me about FAFSA, but before he could help me, he had to leave because he had, like, a promotion or something like that. You know, I’m not hating on him on that, but I just, you know, how I do it, you know, like, in First-Gen [Scholars], you don’t know how to do FAFSA either, especially, like, your parents, your parents are like, “Well, I just paid taxes, like, oh, I just– like, oh, what do you need from me? Like, why the hell are you asking me this?” you know? So you basically gotta do it yourself, and I heard FAFSA did a new process where, like, oh, your parents are going to have their own profile, too, now, so just like more work for me, you know, like, aw, shoot, you know, like, “Alright, Mom, Dad, I need to know how much you make, you know, like, how much you make this month, how much y’all combined?” you know, stuff like that. So FAFSA paid a lot with the business school. I paid like $7,000, one semester, but then my lowest I paid was only $800, and that was when I did qualify for FAFSA. The other times when I didn’t, it was like, oh, I paid $7,000, and then the highest I had to pay was like $12,000 per semester. So I’m not–

Jimena: Per semester? Wow. I knew it was expensive, but I didn’t know it was that expensive.

Brendan: Yeah. So I’m not sure about other majors, but that’s what the business school, you know– like at first, your first year, like your freshman year, I guess you could say or first year or whatever year you started your business school, you know, it was your first time. It’s definitely a lot compared to everyone else, I’d say, just because, you know, there’s options of you– if you’re wanting to travel with the business school or not, you know, there’s a class that lets you travel in state or out of state, and you know, that’s the main chunk of where the money is adding up is from that class, you know, like, if you want to travel or not, you know, and if you don’t want to take this class, you could always opt out, but then like, they kind of make you– like they kind of– I don’t want to say force you, but they really push you to take this class because it’s like, oh, you’ll learn a lot about different majors in the business school, this and that. You’ll definitely travel to different places and businesses and, you know, how they function, but it’s, like, it’s not a requirement, but they just put it like it’s a requirement, you know. That’s their way of, like, marketing it right there. And it’s, like, once I found out, “Oh, this wasn’t required? Man, I would have not done this class, if I knew this wasn’t required,” you know, and like, it spent a lot of my time of, like, you know, trying to get good grades in this class, knowing that, “Oh, this wasn’t even, like, required at all,” you know.

Jimena: But you, like, still pay the money for it?

Brendan: Yeah, I still pay the money, you know, and all that, too. Yeah.

Lux: And spent all that time and energy. Yeah, that sounds really frustrating.

Brendan: Yeah, then once– it’s crazy, but once you apply for other upper divisions, of course, upper division class are gonna cost more, too, and all that so, but I’m not sure how other majors do it, but with business school, that, once you go higher and higher, you know, in higher level classes, it’ll cost more, you know. But the steps to it is kind of, kind of sucks, too. I’m not sure this off the topic a little bit, but, you know, for example, when I was a first-year at the business school, you know, to apply for upper divisions, you know, I passed all these classes at certain grades, but then, yeah, I take Math 1050 or 1092, like, you know, to qualify. And I was struggling with math and so I didn’t take math, like, two years out of college or out of high school. And I took Math 1050, I failed it three times, and my fourth time, I was like, alright, I’m going to try again and they’re like, “oh, sorry,” the business school is like, “oh, sorry, we don’t– we can’t let you take the class again because you failed, like, three times, you know, and, like, now you got to take 1090 now. Now, if you fail 1090 three times, you just can’t go do upper divisions at all, you know, like there’s no other path and no other route. So it was like, “So you should have told me, like, at the beginning, they’re like, oh, like, at a certain amount of times and tries that I could have done,” like I didn’t know that, you know.”

Jimena: Ah, I didn’t know that either.

Lux: I didn’t know that either.

Brendan: So, like, I have found that out through, like, my advisors. They’re like, “Yeah, we can’t let you apply for upper divisions if you fail Math 1050 three times. And even if you get the grade, like a good grade, like a passing grade, we still won’t take it because you took it three times,” you know.

Jimena: That’s so confusing. I genuinely didn’t know that happened because I know for, like, other courses, even if you fail them, like, four or five times and you just retake them, they just average them out. And then that’s, like, your final grade. So that– I didn’t know that. That’s crazy.

Brendan: Yeah, so I struggled with 1050. Shoot. So I had to do 1090. And then I, you know, I did 1090. I did the intensive course with it. It was, like, six weeks, you know, and it was really hard. I barely passed, you know, but that’s what sucks about the business school. I’m not sure about other majors. Like you mentioned, like, how they don’t do that. But with business school, if you fail that class, like X amount of times and they just won’t take the credit at all, even if you do pass a third or fourth time, you know they don’t apply it.

Jimena: I will say, I don’t think that’s common knowledge at all, which is– I think it should be, which, you know, you’d think advisors would tell their students.

Brendan: Shoot, you would– they would just think students don’t fail it three times like I did. [laughs]

Lux: I think that is more common an experience than you can imagine.

Jimena: A lot of people don’t talk about it cuz they’re like, “Oh, no,” but I’m pretty sure it’s way more common than we think.

Lux: Agreed. Yeah.

Brendan: But yeah, there’s the one thing that’s, like, outside of, like, the, like– kind of, like, going off direction a little bit, but that’s one thing I found out about the business school. Like, you fail class a couple of times, you could redo it, but, like, they just won’t take the credit. So, like–

Lux: And if that’s your declared major, then…

Brendan: You’re kind of screwed. Yeah.

Lux: That’s terrible.

Jimena: It really is.

Brendan: Yeah, so that’s the difference between business school that I experience that I– you know, like, don’t know about other business– or other majors, but that’s what my experience with the business school, you know, and like a lot of my friends are business students, too. So, shoot, they’re smarter than me. So they didn’t experience, like, taking a class three times. So I’m definitely a little bit behind than them, but we’re all business students. So I can’t really say, like, “Oh, yeah, my friend is a psychology major. And, like, hers is different compared to me, you know.” Like all my friends are business students. So we all kind of fall into the same boat like, “Oh, yeah, we know how like expectations/standards are and how kind of, like, schemey it is, you know, trying to like get through it, you know.”

Lux: So are you in school full-time right now?

Brendan: Yeah. I’m a part-time– no, sorry– I’m a full-time student, but a part-time worker as well. But yeah. [laughs]

Lux: I was actually just about to ask you about that. So doing full-time school and part-time work, how would you handle the work/school/life balance?

Brendan: Yeah. A lot of people handle it differently, you know, and, like I say, like, working is a privilege to have, you know, like, I don’t gotta work, but like I need to, you know, or I want to because like, you know, my parents already sacrificed a lot. I don’t want them to worry about me financially anymore, you know. So let me go ahead and get a job real quick and, like, help me out myself. So they don’t gotta worry about it, you know. And some people, like, you know, they work because they need to. So people work because they want to. With me, I worked as soon as I was, like, in junior high or something like that. So it’s been a while. So with me, with work, you know, like I need a job, you know, because if I don’t have it, then I feel different. I feel weird not having a job, you know. So as a full-time student, working a part-time job– I work two part-time jobs right now. And then I guess, I guess you say a third one, but that one doesn’t really count because it’s under the table.

[Laughter]

So the IRS better not come after me for that. But, but I would say with students that work, I say find a job that definitely, like, works with your life and your situation, you know. With me, like I would– I’m different, like I’m different where it’s, like, “Oh, I work in this job because I need the money,” you know, even if it’s not working with me, like, even though it’s not working my schedule, I need this job because it’s the best job I could get right now for part-time, and it’s paying the best out of out of everything that I can afford, you know, like, so there’s sacrifice that you know, but with students, I just recommend finding a job that, like, helps them, like, balance with their life, you know, even if means just working on a, like, on campus, you know, I’m not gonna– you know, I work on on campus, but I’m not gonna name drop which department because I don’t want them to hear me, but you know, you just work there and you know, sometimes those on-campus jobs are pretty chill because all you really do is just sit there and just do your homework while getting paid, you know, and like- 

Jimena: I can vouch for that. On-campus jobs, if you’re a student, are sometimes the way to go. 

Brendan: Yeah, and, like, it’s easy, and they expect the least from you, you know, because you’re not getting a salary from them. They got other people working salaries, you know, like, so they expect, like, the bare minimum from you, so you could always slack off and just do your thing. You could literally walk around campus for an hour and still get paid without getting, like, notice. So yeah, part-time job on-campus, I recommend that if people are ever thinking about it, but the situation with going to school is that, like, I’m not sure with other majors, but with a business school, they always emphasize on getting an internship or getting a job that fits under your career, so it’s also hard figuring out. But I want a job that fits my career and lines up and has- and where I could have a good resume and good, like, background of all these jobs I worked at. Or do I want a job that would help me, like, just be able to manage my school and work life in general, you know? So you got to pick which one you want, it’s hard picking the middle because there’s some jobs out there that, like– okay, for example, let’s say PepsiCo, you want to work for PepsiCo, they have a part-time job, but it’s not really flexible for your work/life balance. They don’t let you, like, do homework on their job site because they got you running around doing this and that, you know, so you got– it’s hard picking out which job that you need– part-time job that you need, you know, do you want it one, that, like, suits with your career and your line, so that when you get done with school, they’re, like, “Oh, shoot, you got an internship with PepsiCo,” or, “You got an internship with the Jazz,” you know. Or do you want, like, you know– or you want a job where it’s like pretty chill, relaxing, but then when you go done with school, they’re, like, “Oh, this dude worked on campus for, like, five years as a, like–I don’t know–like, as a janitor, like, what?” you know, there’s no name recognition on your resume once you do that. So it’s a really hard thing to pick and choose, you know, and you just gotta know– to sacrifice a lot of things to, like, be able to manage your work/life balance and student/life balance. Like with me, I sacrifice a lot of my mental health knowing that, like okay, like, the reason why my mental health is kind of shitty is cuz of school, you know, I got to put school first cuz if I’m doing good in school, then my mental health is great, you know. Like, “Oh, I was sad. I was depressed. Isn’t that–” oh, I found out most of the time I was depressed because of fucking school, because of like, because of what school is doing to me, you know. Like, “Oh, I didn’t have a good grade in this,” “Oh, I can’t study for this,” “Oh, this, this test kind of, like, kicks me in the ass,” you know. And so it’s, like, I realized that with me, my mental health problems are coming from school. It’s not coming from, like, oh, people around me, you know, people that I’m dealing with, or bullshit people, that’s, like, coming up to me, you know, like, it’s mainly with school. So people– people’s mental health is kind of different. But that’s with me, you know. So I found out, oh, if my mental health with school, I got to put school first. I got to sacrifice my mental health, I got to sacrifice my physical health, you know. I can’t go to the gym and worry about my physical health, because if I do that, and then my mental health is going to be shitty knowing that, oh, I didn’t get time– I didn’t have enough time to study for school, you know, so it’s hard finding what works best for you, but that’s my experience with trying to be able to manage my work/life and student/life balance, you just gotta find– you gotta sacrifice something, you know, you gotta sometimes– it goes back to what I said earlier, you gotta fuck it up sometimes. You gotta just, you know, accept this is what it is, you know, you just gotta handle it for two or three more years, and then you’re good, you know, so that’s how I handle it, handle all that stuff.

Lux: Not an easy task, but you are definitely kicking ass at it for sure.

Brendan: I try to, yeah.

Lux: That has got to be really challenging, trying to find work, too, that works with your school schedule, and, like, with having multiple part-time jobs, even finding ones that will be willing to work with each other.

Brendan: Yeah, definitely, and like, I’ll tell you this, don’t break your back for, like, a business or a company, you know, like, yeah, like, they might be cool and all, like, “Oh, dude, I work for PepsiCo, you know, they give me unlimited Pepsis and stuff like that.” But it’s, like, you’re easily replaceable, too, you also gotta know that, and like, it’s kind of shitty that it’s how it is, but yeah, that’s how it is in life and how it is in, like, career, you know. You’re always easily replaceable, so you can’t really bang on the company that you really want, you know, or the company that you like, “Oh, yeah, I work for the jazz, I do this every day,” but you also got to know that you’re easily replaceable, so like, you know, once you work, once you go work, just make sure, just know that like, oh, you can’t be too comfortable of knowing that, oh, you know, you’re safe and secure with financially with this company. Yeah, you might see that, like, for two months, but then that third month, fourth month, they might, you know, just cut you or, like, like, fire you because they find someone else that’s more expandable- or expendable, you know, less, “Oh, this student right here, I gotta make sure he don’t work on weekends because he got school or like, vice versa. Alright, let me just fire this guy, knowing this guy I hired straight out of high school isn’t in school, you know, and I could just work him the whole week, you know. I don’t gotta worry about– worrying about his schedule, you know, so you just gotta know, like, once you go work, you gotta know that you’re easily replaceable, you know, so like, you should watch out for that.

Lux: As far as  your early experiences on campus, can you talk about what it was like during your first semester here?

Brendan: Yeah, definitely. My first semester here, I’ll be straight-up honest, I think the school just gave, like, too much things going on all at once, you know. Like when I first came here, like, they gave me, “Oh, this, this, and that,” like, it was– they were hyping it up, not gonna lie, like, as your first year, of course, they’re gonna hype it up and make you feel like, oh, they got a lot of things for you. Oh, like, they’ll definitely have this and that for you,” you know. But like, in reality, once you set in, you realize, oh, shoot, like, what happened to this and that, you know? What did they say about this and that? And then like, it’s not there no more, like, they said– like, for example, with the business school, they, they threw out a lot of, like, resources to me, but then like, when I realized I settled in, like, half the resources they gave me to me, I didn’t even need it. Like, some other students might need it, but like, me, like, personally, like, I didn’t need it, you know. Like, so they give you a lot of bullshit stuff that you don’t really need to know, bullshit information that you don’t need to know, you know, they just– they just said it, just, like, hyped themselves up, you know, and I feel like that’s what sucks as a first-year is, like, you don’t really know what resources it fits for you, because they’re just hyping it up with so many different things, and you feel overwhelmed with all this information, you know, you don’t, you don’t know which information– which one that you need to take in for you, you know, because everyone might be different, but that information that you think is important for you might not be important for me, you know, so like, it’s just a lot of, like, information is just thrown out out there for you as a first-year, and you got to figure out which one’s best for you, you know. Then I think with the whole, like, you know, your grades and your, like, academic stuff, like, a lot of that has to, like, you get to go out there and do it yourself, kind of thing, like, you know, like, I’m not gonna lie, like, at the business school, I had my first advisor for education or academic advisor you could say, you know, she didn’t know what the fuck she was doing, you know, so I had a chance, I had to ask for a different one, because she was giving me bullshit stuff that I didn’t know, you know, that I didn’t find out until, like, later I was like, yo, was she told me, it didn’t really apply to me, why the hell did she tell me that, you know? So I was like, you got a lot of your first year, you got to go out there and be you, and, like, do it yourself, kind of thing, you got to have the initiative, if you’re just gonna sit back then, you know, good luck, you know, you got to go out there and do it yourself, and like, figure out for yourself what suits you, what best needs to suit you, because sometimes a person is helping you might give you information that doesn’t even need– that you don’t need at all, you know, they might be holding you back by giving you this useless information, you know, like . . .

Jimena: Which is really frustrating, honestly, because it’s, like, maybe take the time to get to know me to see what I need, and then give me the resources there, because if you don’t then, like, situations like this happen.

Brendan: Yeah, definitely, like, going back to what I said a couple of minutes ago about, like, the whole, like, oh, I didn’t know you couldn’t take 1050, like, like, a third, fourth time, and then not get the grade for it, or now it won’t count towards my application for upper divisions at the business school, you know. Like, my freaking advisor didn’t know– didn’t tell me that until, like, until I was on the borderline of, like, okay, “I’m gonna do it this third time,” “Oh, you’re going to do this a third time? Sorry, you know, like, you had two tries to, like, do it and get the grade, and you’re on your third strike on this, so we won’t take you. You could redo it, and, like, get a better grade, and it’ll be on your transcript, but, you won’t– we won’t accept it because it shows us that you did it three times already,” you know. So, like, as a first year, you had to find that out, too, you know, and, like, I didn’t really find out what the hell, like, permission codes were my first year, and, like, what the hell, like, is a wait list, you know, like– they’re always like, “Oh yeah, it’s, it’s wait list, but you always just, just apply,” you know.

Jimena: They kinda just assume you know.

Brendan: Yeah, like, like, a lot of things are assumptions, you know, like, the, you know, business school, I’m not trying to aim on y’all, but like, the business school, for first year, they assume that you know a lot of things. “Oh, your orientation, they should have told you this.” But like, the orientation people workers, they’re not specifically suited for business students, or business people there, you’re just there to give you the overall [unintelligible]. “Okay, the campus has this, the campus has that, your tuition pays for this, your tuition pays for that.” They don’t really know how your academic– works, you know, because everyone’s different, like, “Oh, this person is a business, and this person might be a med student,” you know, so, they really try to bang on, like, “Oh, rotation leaders, or rotation people need to tell you about that.” But they only tell you the broad stuff, like, “Oh, you know, go talk to your academic advisor to know what specific classes you need,” you know, like . . .

Lux: Not if your academic advisor gives you that same general, not-tailored-for-you information, you’re still drowning.

Brendan: Yeah, definitely, for sure.

Jimena: I mean, you just still don’t know.

Brendan: Yeah, definitely for sure, and like, what I found out, like, this [unintelligible] not in my first year, I found out my second year, is that, like, you know, different students and different– your friends might have different deadlines for registrations than you do, you know. Some people might register earlier than you. Some people might register later than you. So my advice on that, it’s like, you know, once there’s dates and deadlines saying, alright, like, this day is when, like, things are going to open up, this day is when classes are posted, to see what classes are available, what days, I always just recommend, like, get on that as soon as it’s possible. Build your schedule out, and once it’s your time to register, boom, you should have your cart ready and just, like, submit it, you know. And like, my advisor didn’t tell me, like, there’s a difference on that. I had to find that out myself, so I was like, “Whoa, what?”

Jimena: I also had that similar experience in my first year. Like, my advisor was like, “Just pick classes,” and I was like, “Okay, well, what classes?” Like, they didn’t give me a sheet, nothing. So I was like, okay, well– so I figured that on my own, and then I didn’t know I had, like, a specific registration date until, like, after the fact, so a lot of the classes that I had signed up for, they were, like, wait listed. And I didn’t even know what that meant. So I was like, “Ooh,” and I ended up asking for a different advisor that could help me a little bit more, because the same thing happened.

Lux: Yeah, this sounds like it’s a common experience, unfortunately.

Brendan: You know, like, all– if any students are listening, and like, they’re, like, in Opportunity Scholars–business students like me–that’s one of the programs I’m in, I mean, you know, there’s a, there’s a class that a lot of junior seniors take, and it’s like a 3900-level class, you know, and my advisor, before I changed, she was like, “Oh, yeah, you got to take this class as, like, a sophomore,” and I– that’s what I did, you know, but then I realized, I broke my back for this class, trying to get a good grade, realizing, “Oh, my program offered this class, too. But all we do– all that you had to do is just go to a Hawaii trip, and like, just have fun, and write a paper about your experience, and that’s it.” Like, yo, like, I broke my back to take a 3800 class at the U, you know, at this business school, knowing [now] that my program offered a 3900 class, where I could just go travel, and like, my tuition has already paid for it because of the class, so I was like– A lot of advisors don’t even tell you there’s alternatives, so like, “Oh, you do this for this class, and it’s still count towards your grade, you know, or go– count towards your progress,” you know, and I know a lot of people I knew my– their first year was, like, they took a lot of useless classes that they didn’t even know, that [unintelligible] they needed, you know. Like, for example, like, I knew what class I needed to take, but some of my friends didn’t know, “Oh, you need this class, and you need to pass with this grade,” until it’s really too late for them. Like, “Oh, I already had a shitty grade in that class.” I had, like, for example, this class, you need like a B minus or higher, you know, but then they pass with a C plus/C minus, it’s like, “Oh, I didn’t know you need like, this kind of grade to, like, pass,” you know, and, like, that’s what– they don’t really emphasize that. They have it on the paper, but the– the advisors and people there– they don’t really emphasize that you need to do that, you know. They’ll just say, “Oh, yeah, you know, in general, you just need to pass all your business classes with a C minus,” but then when you clearly look inside a little bit, it’s like, “Oh, you know, if you’re– you’re an accounting major, you got account– you got a pass accounting classes with, with A minus or a B plus or higher, you know. So it’s like, yeah, you know, you could pass with business school classes with, with C minuses, but then if you’re doing your major, you got, like, do better than the C minus, you know, and which you didn’t know, you know, you thought, “Oh, if I just do the C minus minimum, you know, I’m straight chillin’,” you know. But then you realize, you’re doing the finance [classes], you got like, be 90%– you got to be, like, the 10% of the class that passed the test, the end-of-the-year test, and then you got to, you know, have a B plus or higher, or like, a[n] A–something like that, around that range–on your accounting classes and finance classes, so it’s like, you didn’t even know, like, all this requirements needed because they don’t tell you that, you know. They expect you to know that on the fine print or on the papers, so yeah, I think in the first years, like, that’s the big importance of just knowing, alright, what class you’re taking, what grade you need, you know. They’ll say, “Oh, your major, overall– you could just pass a major with a C minus,” but okay, that’s cool and all, but like, if I’m doing, like, this, what certain classes do I need a different grade on that’s not a C minus.” I recommend knowing that, you know, like, you’re doing, you’re doing a finance [class]? Alright, you gotta know, like, your finance class, [unintelligible] you need to, like, worry about getting more than a C minus, you know. Like, with business students, like, you gotta take other stuff, like, oh, you gotta take a– like, a management class for your bridge course, or like, an entrepreneur class for your bridge course, but you can just pass with C minus, they– all they really care about is you, like, if you’re gonna do a finance [class], you gotta pass with a better– better than a C minus for your major, you know, or for your degree that you’re declaring. And then I would say, like, they just need to know, like, your registration day is different from everyone, you know. Like, thankfully, with me, I was able to get, like, priority, like, registration with NCAA, which is, like, for the basketball team, and with that, it was great, because, you know, you get the benefits of being able to register for classes early, because, you know, as an athlete, you know, practicing with the NCAA, you need to have the– like, your class needs to be flexible with their practice schedule, too, you know. So it’s great that, you know, I was able to have that, but then for regular students, you know– I experienced what regular students had, too, before I had the NCAA access. It was, like, you gotta wait, and then, like, you gotta build out your schedule, but then you realize, “Oh, shoot, I can’t take this class at this date because it’s already full,” you know. “Oh, I can’t take this class because it doesn’t work with my work life,” you know. So it was really hard sometimes, I was like, “Oh, I can’t take this class spring semester that’s only offered spring, but I can’t because it’s already full, or, you know, it’s not working with my work life right now, alright, I gotta wait till next semester again. So that’s kind of, like, the shitty part of it, I guess you could say, you know, but…yeah, that’s about it on that stuff.

 

Brendan: We were talking about tuition a little bit. Has being first-gen status impacted your experience with tuition? You mentioned that going through FAFSA was pretty harrowing to say the least.

Brendan: [laughs] Yeah. You know, like, my family don’t make a lot, you know. I don’t make a lot, either, but, like, clearly FAFSA thinks we make a lot, if they’re like, “Oh, you don’t . . . we don’t– you don’t qualify for any grants for this semester because your parents make too much money.” But they don’t know that, like, that money’s going towards this, or that money’s going towards that, you know. So with me and my family, what we did is, like, [unintelligible] well, we’ll try to do our best we can, you know. With my family, they don’t– I don’t tell them how much tuition is. I just tell them “Oh, you know, I had to pay tuition today.” They’re like, “Oh, how much is it?” I’ll just be like, “Oh, it’s just a couple hundred bucks,” you know. But everything else is coming out of my pocket, you know, so then they don’t really gotta worry about it. So I don’t know. With me, at least, it’s like my family, like, you know, they sacrifice a lot. They’re having other things they’re dealing with in their life, you know. They might be dealing with their mental health, you know. They might be dealing with their work stuff. They might be, you know, taking care of my siblings, you know, and all that stuff and their kids, you know. So, like, they don’t really got that time to worry about me. I don’t want that burden on them to stress them out, so sometimes I just tell them, “Oh, you know, it’s just a couple hundred bucks.” They’ll, like, send me, like, a couple hundred bucks. And then, like, the other grand or something, I’ll just cover it with my credit cards and all that stuff, you know, and like, pray for the best that I’ll try pay off the credit card quick before next tuition deadline comes, and I got to put it back on the credit card again, you know. But, you know, with my experience with other first-gen students that are in my situation, my boat, same major and everything, you know, same path– like, my best friend, like, I’m not gonna name-drop him, but my best friend, he, you know, we’re, we live together. We are . . . his parents are, like, really good friends with my parents. They’re, like, best friends, too. So he had to pull out a loan for him, you know, because, you know, FAFSA didn’t kick it in for him for, like, the first two years when he was at a different school, and he transferred here, you know. So, you know, thankfully, I didn’t pull out a loan yet, you know, at least. But like, you know, with first-gen students, I see a lot, that like– a lot of students don’t tell their parents. A lot of students– their parents can’t really help them out, if they do decide to pursue higher education because, you know, that income isn’t really matching up for how much it’s costing per semester or costing them for the year, you know. So like, I, you know, I don’t got no school loans yet, but it’s– a lot of it’s on my credit cards. And then my best friend, he has school loans, and he’s trying to pay that back right now, too, you know. And like, it’s just scary, you know, and they’re like, “Oh, like, do I want to, like, buy groceries this semester, or do I got to do a payment on my, on my loans real quick, you know?” so like . . . but then again, it’s like, you know, people would just laugh it off and joke about, “Oh, you know, it’s part of college life, you know. You got to eat, like, ramen and hot pockets every night,” but like, yeah, it’s just a joke and all that, but again, like, once you, like, sit down, it’s like 3 a.m. at night, and you’re thinking, like, “Damn, like, do I even want to go to college anymore? You know, like, I already got this X amount of money on my, on my debt level, you know, like, if I just quit college right now, like, this debt would be all gone. Or if I didn’t go to college, I wouldn’t be having this debt right now,” you know. But like, you know, like, I told my– like, there’s so many times where I wanted to leave school because like, you know, I can’t handle this debt. I can’t handle the mental health of it. I can’t– the mental state of it, the education and all that stuff, but then I just told myself like, “I’m, like, halfway there, you know. If you’re halfway there, you might as well just finish the whole thing, you know, like, you can’t just quit while you’re halfway there. So I just told myself, “I’m just halfway there, might as well just do the best of it, like I said, like, try to fix your mindset about it. But with all the tuition stuff, it’s kind of hard, for sure, for first-gen students. That’s why, like, you know, like, with me at least, that’s why I got two-part time jobs, just like– I try to make sure I pay off my loans and like, pay off my credit cards, so then when time does come, like, I use my credit card again, you know, and pay it for my tuition. But yeah, that’s just the gist of it, how, at least I handle my finances here with the school is that, like, I just work two-part time jobs, try to pay off the credit card real quick, so then I could, you know, you say, get it for tuition again, you know, and try to be financially literate and smart about it, you know. But that’s how I usually go through with it.

Lux: So, we’ve talked a lot about like, um, first-gen status, impacting, um, like, your career path, um, your financial ability to pay, um, and even, like, your social and emotional well-being. As far as, like, feeling a sense of belonging–because that has a really big impact on whether a student graduates or not–how do you feel about, like, your sense of belonging at the U?

Brendan: Yeah, um, definitely, you know. When, you know, when I applied for the U, I saw, like, oh, 90% is, like, white ethnic people, or, like– it was a high percentage. It wasn’t 90% but it was, like, a high percentage, you know. So I thought, like, you know, I’m not, like, you know, I’m getting fucking jumped or something, you know, I’m not gonna feel like I’m fit in, you know. But once you apply and you realize, oh, there’s people that came from similar paths or boats– with people that came from, like, even worse backgrounds than you, then you feel that sort of connection, you know. Because at least you can relate that, “Oh, you struggled? At least I struggled, too, it– in a similar way. I’m not saying I struggled, like, worse than you, or that you’re, uh, you struggle worse than me, but at least we know we both struggled in our own paths, knowing that we can relate to that struggle-ness, you know.” But with belonging, like, you know, I mainly stay connected with, like, you know, a lot of, like, POC, I guess you say POC, like community groups here, you know. Like, in business school, there’s the AAPI and the Black in Business, you know. So all of my friends are, like, you know, like, Asians, Blacks, Mexicans, and all that stuff. So, like, it’s nice and knowing that, like, you’re around those people, you know, like, yeah, you might not be Asian, and you’re Mexican or you’re Black, but at least, you know, like, we’re similar cultures, you know, backgrounds, you know, where our families are going through, especially, you know, like, “Oh, your family’s immigrants, my family’s immigrants, too.” So we know the standards/expectations, and the, and the pressure we have under our name as a student here, you know, in, in higher education, you know. It’s like, at least they understand that, you know. Of course, they’re not going to relate to you specifically, you know, because everyone’s different, like, everyone doesn’t go as specific, like– everyone doesn’t deal with specific problems that are like yours, but at least, like, the general [unintelligible] broader of that problem is, like– it’s similar in some way. So like, knowing that someone’s going through something that’s, like, similar to me, it feels nice, like, I’m not just alone in this, you know. I could rely on this person, if I need help. Or I could ask this person for any advice, questions of how they went through it, you know, see what’s best for me, and how I could use their way to, like, transition, and make it different for me, you know. So the belonging is there and all, but sometimes, like, when I’m outside of, like, like, I guess you could say my people, or I guess you could say the POC people, like, you know, you do feel kind of, like, lacking a little bit because you’re like, dang, like, you know, like, like– the U is majority white dominance, and that’s all you see, you know. And you, like, like, you question yourself, like, “Yo, like, how did these guys get here?” you know. Like, “Do they got money, or like, how did they– or do they have the same, like, background as me. How can– how can I relate to them, knowing that, like, I’m struggling financially and mentally. But are these guys, too, you know? Like, they might be struggling mentally, but are they struggling financially, you know? Like, what is– is money a big problem, to, like, some of them might, like– some of them are, might have loans, but is that, like, you know . . . they’re, like– do they really care about that, or do they really worry about the loans that they’re gonna, like, have under their belt when they’re done with school, you know?” Like, you know, there’s a lot of questioning sometimes, but you can’t just judge everyone because there are some people that are, that are, you say, white Americans, or just white people in general that, like, do, like, struggle, at the U financially, but they just don’t show it. I’m not just saying, like, white people don’t struggle, you know. There’s some people that, like, do struggle with you, too, and like, it’s nice knowing that, like, oh, this white person, like, knows where I’m coming from, knows where we’re coming from, you know, as a first-generation student, you know, knowing, like, all the pressures on our belt, and they understand that, and they’re willing to, like, accept that and be open onto it, rather than just judge you by it, you know? And then when it comes with the word “first-gen,” I realize, like, it’s hard, like, putting the word “first-gen” on you because, you know, like, when people think of first-gen, I don’t know, like, correct me if I’m wrong, but with– at least with me, when people think of first-gen, people think of just POC people, you know. And like, I get it that, like, a percentage of, like, first-gen students are POC people, but there’s also, like, people that just are white, that, like, that are first-gen, you know. And a lot of people got to understand that, like, you know, “first-gen” isn’t labeled on a person of color, it’s also, like, on anyone in general, but it is– but, like, it is a high percentage that, that first-gen students are POC of color students, but you also gotta know there’s also white people that are first-generation students, you know, so they could relate to us in some way as well, but it’s just kind of hard because, you know, and there’s some POC students that relate with each other due to cultural backgrounds, and due to what our parents put us through, you know, and like, and like, with that white, first-gen student might not relate to that, you know, but they, at least, could relate to us in some way of, you know, being the first student [in their family] going into higher education for them, you know? So, like, that’s just my understanding, and my, like, the whole gist of it, of what first-gen is in my– and how I’m involved, I guess, is how I feel connected and all that stuff, you know, in that, like, there’s people that are, you know, similar backgrounds, similar ethnic backgrounds, similar traits, similar cultures, characteristics, you know, and it just feels nice knowing that, like, you’re not the only one that’s going through this and struggling through this. There’s other people, too, you know, it’s not like, I’m not hating on them struggling, but it’s just knowing that you’re not just alone, you know?

Lux: Yeah, do you feel like the, the faculty that you’ve interacted with have been good resources to you as a first-gen student, or do you feel like they’re lacking knowledge about the first-gen–about not just the first-gen experience because, like you say, it’s so broad, and there are so many identities captured under that umbrella–but the experience of being the first in your family, do you feel like many faculty are aware of and responsive to that in how they teach?

Brendan: With me, at least, what I experience, like, you know, these professors, these people that work here, they’re just like any other people. They come in and just work. They don’t really go above and beyond. They’re just doing what they need to do, or even less, you know? So, like, you know, like, I don’t– with me, personally, like, it doesn’t make sense why I should tell my professor that I’m a first-gen student, you know. Like, he just sees me as another student that’s, you know, going to college and, like, trying to get degree, like, why the hell would he care if I’m a first-gen student, you know, like, he’s not gonna, like, be easier on me, or be harder on me, you know, like, most of professors here, just come in and get paid, you know, and like, some of the professors here, like, it doesn’t make sense, like, “Oh, you got a PhD in this, but like, you don’t have life work experience, but you’re teaching this, like, you know, it got your questioning sometimes. But like, faculty and staff, they’re like–at least with the business school and the professors–they’re just here to get paid, honestly, they’re not– and like, a lot of people need to know that, that professors really don’t give a fuck if you fail or not, because like, they’re here to get paid. They’re here to get money. You would say the same thing, too, if you were in their boat, you know. They’re here to get money. That’s it. Why would they try to break their back on helping you, knowing that they’re not getting paid for it, you know. And I’m not saying that’s all professors here, but that’s [unintelligible] the professors I’ve experienced. You know, there’s some professors out there that actually care about you, and like, they actually love the teaching aspect of it, you know, while some professors here, because, oh, they’re here, because it makes their name look good. Oh, they’re here for their research, or they’re here, because, oh, they need the money, you know, and that’s just the best option for them, you know. So a lot of professors here are just, you know, just, like, that research, and like, try and get paid, but it’s just a small aspect, aspect of like, professors that do care about you. And like, with me, I haven’t really run into any professors that I still, like, rely on, or like, “Oh, yeah, this is a good professor that I could, like, get some advice or help on, you know.” Even with high school, I didn’t really have a lot of teachers that really care about, like, where I’m coming from, what I go through. There’s only really one or two that, like, I still keep in touch. Maybe just one, in general, but like, like, the level of experience that you have with your high school teachers kind of, like, rubs off on you when you go to college, you know, oh, yeah, every, you know, professor/teacher is the same. They’re here, trying to get paid. They don’t really care about what you’re going through, you know, because there’s 10 million other students that, you know, are in the same– or may or may not be in the same boat as you. But to them– you’re just another student to them, you know, like, oh, they’re not going to reflect on like, “Oh, damn, like, five years ago, I was teaching Brendan, like, how’s he doing now?” you know. They’re, they’re going to think about that once they see you’re on TV, or you’re like, you’re, you’re a famous celebrity, they’re gonna start caring, “Oh, yeah, Brendan, he in the NBA now. Yeah, I was his professor, yeah, yeah!” But like, once you’re done with school, and you’re not really like, successful . . . when it comes to popularity, they don’t, they just think you’re another ordinary student. You’re just another name that’s been tossed behind, like, the other names that are, like, that they see. They’re not gonna remember your name, you know. But when it comes to with like, you know, resource people, like, oh, people that, like, the first-gen student organization– the students, you know, like, the directors there [in First-Gen Scholars], you know, they’re really great on like, trying to, like, make sure you stay connected and make sure, like, you know, you know, you’re, you know what you have, and what you don’t have, you know, what you need help on, and they’re willing to help you on that. So, you know, there’s a different aspect of people working here that, that don’t do education when it comes to, like, you know, teaching you because those people actually, like, care and try to, like, make sure you have the resources that you need, especially [when] you’re a first-generation student. While the professors, they’re here just to get paid, you know, so there’s a different, like, I guess, a different, like, groups of like– okay, there’s a group of people that work on resources stuff for students. They care, because, you know, they’re working with those resources, they want to make sure you get those resources. All the professors, they don’t know what resources are even on campus. They’re here just get paid, you know, like, “Oh, you missed– you failed this exam? Oh, well, you got, you better do better next one,” “Oh, you can’t take this exam on this day? Well, I, you know, at the beginning of the semester, I told you the exam’s on this day, and you tell me you can’t do it now? Well, that’s on you. You got to make sure how that works,” you know. But other programs that, like, are built to help you get resources and, like, help you get, like, help and make sure your, your education level is, like, on the right path for you. They’re great at, like, you know, making sure things are there for you. Like, for example, with the Opportunity Scholars–the program I’m in–they’re great on having counselors that are there, that are free for you to make sure you can– you can just come in and rant and, like, tell them what’s up, what’s going on. And what’s nice is that sometimes they’ll make sure that’s accommodated for you? Like, as in, like, oh, they’ll write a note for you, and you just give it to, like, this department, and that allows you to have more time on your exam, or that allows you to, like, push your exam to a different day, compared to everyone else, you know? So, like, those kind of programs and resources are great in trying to make sure, like, they met your needs and satisfaction, compared to, like, the professors here. And they be talking about, like, advisors and all that stuff? Shoot, I mean, you know, you know, y’all oughta hear about my advisors. I didn’t really, like, I’m barely, like, scratching on what I’m trying to do in my degree, you know? Advisors– they’re just, I feel like they’re just there, too, you know. They’re just there to, like, give you the broad chance of it, because, I don’t know, it’s like, why am I taking– like, yeah, you work for the business school as an advisor, but, like, what was your major again? You were a culinary chef, and you’re working as an advisor for, like, the business school? Like, why would I, like, trust you knowing what you’re telling me, you know? Like, what if you just found out about this provision that I did, too, you know, and you just heard of it, you know? So, like, with those guys, they– like I said, I feel like they’re just doing the minimum as well, like, you know, they’re trying to get paid, you know, like, they’re like, “Oh, you know . . .” They might experience the students that, like, go through this all the time, but they’re just like, “Oh, yeah, this student–?” Oh, if any students feel depressed or feel like they’re lacking at school, you just bring them this direction, you know, they already know what to do. They don’t really try, like, break their back out and like, go above and beyond that. Oh, they put you in sections and categories. I feel like, “Oh, this student’s doing really good?” “Alright. Cool. We’ll put them in this area.” “Oh, this student is doing pretty shitty in school?” “Alright, we’ll just tell them this and that,” you know. I feel like they follow scripts and everything, I’m like, they already know what to say, if you tell them this. You know, like, “Oh, I’m depressed, I don’t know what to do for school.” “Oh, well, you know, like, you know, shoot, you know, well, you still gotta take the class,” you know. Like, you can’t really do much, you know, so, like, with– I don’t know, that’s my experience. I feel like with advisors and, like, professors, they’re just doing the minimum of trying to, like, get paid and leave, you know. They just see you as a different– as any other student that they experience within, like, the 10 or five years here, you know. While, like, all the resource program people, you know, they actually care about it and, like, trying to make sure that you’re [unintelligible] best for you, you know.

Jimena: Sometimes you even learn a lot from those people that you would not learn from, like, professors and stuff. Like I know I’ve learned a lot from, like, the First-Generation Scholars staff, and like, you [speaking to Lux], and everything, but then I don’t learn from professors, like, important, important things. Like obviously, you learn, like, the material in your classes, but, like, they don’t tell you how to do a resume, like, things like that.

Lux: Yeah, not a lot of personalized support, too, or, like, even an understanding that you’re an individual in their program and that your positionality is different from the next student, your needs, your expectations in the program are different, and trying to have like a one-size-fits-all support . . .

Brendan: Yeah.

Lux: Pretty ineffective.

Brendan: I mean, I see why, you know, it’s a lot of work and a lot of– I appreciate that a lot of finances are involved in it, too, you know, but like, I’ll give an example. You know, with, like, the financial– the advisors at the business school, you know, there’s peer coaches like, “Well, what the hell is a peer coach?” you know. “Peer coaches are just, you know– they’re just financial advisors, but students,” you know. But like, why would I get advice from a student, knowing they’re in the same boat as me, you know, like, you know, saying, like, why, why– why can’t I just talk to the person who actually gets paid to do this, you know? And, like, yeah, these students are getting paid, but, like, they don’t know nothing, like me, too. Why would I take their advice, you know? For example, I’ll share this. With me, like, my fall semester, I had to drop my whole schedule because that’s what the peer coach told me to do. But then when I tried to apply and put my schedule back, I couldn’t do it. So I was like, yo, this peer coach just kind of fucked me in the ass, you know, like, told me to, like, drop this, drop my schedule, and when I finally talked to my advisor, she was like, “Oh, you dropped your schedule? You shouldn’t– you shouldn’t do that, you like, you should’ve done this instead.” So I was like, “Why am I listening to a peer coach, knowing they’re kind of, like, giving me false information?” you know. So that structure isn’t really there either. So like, you just gotta talk to the– I guess, the big dogs or the big titles of people who should do their job for a living, instead of [unintelligible] all these, you know– I know there’s students, you know, but they also do this [unintelligible] something similar, but sometimes they’re giving you false information as well, you know. So there’s like that lack of resource of, like, knowing that, okay, yeah, is this even a resource that I need? Is this unnecessary resources that you guys are expending money on, you know? So there’s that experience through– too, with, like, resources, you know. I’d much rather talk to someone that gets paid on a salary, knowing that this is what they do every day, compared to a student that’s just getting paid hourly, you know. And it goes back to like part-time work, you know, they might just be here because they try and get paid and, like, just find a job that is best suited for them. They don’t actually want to break their back and try to, like, help you out because something that you’re trying to do, they might not know the answer either, you know? So it’s, like, too much unnecessary things going on.

Lux: One last question: What advice do you have for future first-gen students? 

Brendan: Yeah, if you go to college or, like, higher education, you know, just do you. Don’t really– that might sound stupid, but, like, don’t judge other people, put yourself on other, like, people’s standards/expectations, you know, like your own, do your own one, do your own thing, you know. And, like, it depends how hard you’re putting yourself on, like how, how, like– I guess you’d say, like, how hard you put yourself on, like I said earlier, it’s like, you know– my advice is that like is, yeah, you have a name on your back, but you also gotta know, you’re also doing this for the other people that have the same name as you, you know. You’re doing this for your family and their, like, previous family members, too, that, like, oh, passed away or sacrifice for them, you know. You’re doing it for the whole root– the root of your blood, you know, you’re not doing it just for you, you know. And I don’t know, just– my advice is just, like, you know, just go with– I don’t wanna say “go with flow,” but just do what’s best for you. Don’t judge yourself on other people, you know, and like– I don’t know, like, shoot, this is hard, but, like, I don’t know, just do your thing and, like, don’t get discouraged by other people. You might hear that a lot, you know. Worry about yourself, and you know, like, there’s some people that will stick with you, but you also gotta know like, they might stick with you for– they’re playing a long game where, like, oh, they see you’re successful, and then they’re gonna put you down once you’re successful, you know . So you also got to not worry about yourself, you know, do your thing. Put yourself first, don’t worry about it. Yeah, it might suck that you met this friend of yours in college, and you guys might be best friends because you guys met in college, but you also got to know that, like, they might put you down when you’re finally at your top, you know. You gotta just make sure to do your thing, do yourself, be worried about yourself, you know, put yourself first, don’t worry about other people. It’s nice that you, yeah, you’re helping other people. You also gotta know that, okay, you’re helping these people, but are they gonna help you when you need them? You know, you just gotta worry about– worry about yourself, worry about your education, go out there and do your thing, and like, go out there and go find a way to do it for you, you know. Like these resources and these information that they give you, you gotta figure out, alright, what information do you need for you? you know, like, you know, just make sure things are lined up for you, things are planned out for you, that you’re getting the information that you need, and you’re not getting the information that other people need, you know, or you’re not getting information that it’s unnecessary, you know, just make sure you’re getting the information that you need to help yourself so that you can have a better experience in the higher education world or a higher college level, you know.

Lux: Thank you for talking with us.

Jimena: Yeah

Lux: I really appreciate it.