Interviewer: Lux Darkbloom 
Interview Subject: Brian Rea Juarez 

Lux: First of all, thank you for meeting with me today.

Brian: Yes, of course.

Lux: To start us out, could you tell me a little bit about your life and your story? Basically, just anything that you would like listeners to know about you.

Brian: So I’m a student from Park City High School, who recently graduated from Park City High School in the class of 2025. And recently, you know, I just started out my college journey as a first-year student at the University of Utah. And as a first-generation student, not only was I the first in my family to ever graduate from high school, but hopefully, in the future, I may [even be] graduating from University of Utah, the first in my family to graduate from college. And that’d be really cool to be that one family member, who not only graduated high school for the family, but also went to higher education. My plan, in terms of education…the career I’m looking for right now is anything more toward, you know, behavioral health, anything medical. Growing up, I used to think, you know, the medical field is definitely where I’m going. That’s definitely something that I like. I’m very empathetic and so I found, you know, the medical field being one of the best places career-wise, and so I’ve transitioned more into behavioral health. And I’ll explain that later [in] a couple more questions, but yeah, my whole situation is…I’m first gonna be a social worker–be a Latino social worker–and then, hopefully, down the road, be a psychiatrist, which is the doctor level of therapy…And then obviously as a first-gen in high school, it’s a big issue on its own. And a lot of people don’t know that first-gens really do put a lot of effort and work. We’ll talk more, you know, we’ll talk more about it, hopefully soon. But yeah, as a first-gen, it’s definitely tough out there. And for any first-gens listening, I’m glad for all the work you’ve done. It’s really tough as a first-gen, figuring stuff out on your own, not having a parent to guide you through college life…But yeah, something that I want to address is, first-gens, we oughta be proud. I’m gonna be super proud of what we’ve done. It’s a lot.

Lux: What year are you in school right now?

Brian: I’m a freshman. Incoming freshman.

Lux: And are you going to school full-time or part-time?

Brian: I am doing full-time, and I’m actually on campus as well. So a lot of resources are around here.

Lux: How many credits are you taking right now?

Brian: Right now I’m just taking 12. I’m still getting adjusted to school life, right? So I purposely didn’t take a lot just so I can get used to, you know, the climate of college and getting all the resources available before I actually start taking my main courses, right?

Lux: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I think that’s a really smart approach. And, I mean, 12 credits is a lot, so you’re doing great. That’s such a smart way to get a sense of what your threshold is, too. So thinking back to when you first made the decision to go to college, were there any specific people–like a teacher or a family member or even a particular experience–that played a role in your choice to go to college?

Brian: So initially, before I even start with the college decision, for a moment of my life–I think around sixth, seventh and maybe even a bit of ninth grade–I wasn’t really interested in the college life. I decided, you know, “I don’t have the money to afford college. I’m not going to go to college. I just don’t have the money. Why should I even look into college in the first place?” And you know, as a first-gen, that’s pretty much a big issue, trying to afford college in the first place, trying to find a way to financially pay for it. But through one of my teachers, one of the main teachers I encountered through my high school career was Melanie Moffat, who runs a program for first-gens. It’s called Dream Big and also through another program associated with Park City High School, which is Bright Futures. And so both of these programs really help a lot, especially Latinos in Action, too. They’re really complementing each other, and they help students get to college. Something that stood out about Melanie Moffat for me was, you know, my sophomore year of high school–I remember taking two honors [classes] for the first time. And, you know, I never once took an advanced math class before. So going in there, I was pretty terrified, you know, being the only Latino, especially, because in Park City–for background, Park City…there’s not a lot of minorities there. It’s mainly Caucasian. And so, you know, being part of the minority, Imposter Syndrome really tends to hit while you’re taking APs, honors, or any of those, like, difficult classes. Because a lot of the time, you don’t find people your own skin [color] in that class and, honestly, that really is tough. Even to the point that I got a therapist for it, and ever since I started talking to therapists, it’s helped a lot, and it’s really good. But something that helped a lot during my sophomore year is I talked to Melanie Moffat and I even told her like, “I don’t feel good, you know, taking less than two honors, which is Secondary Math 2, Honors. Because you know, it’s just me in this–me and Gabe, who’s the other other Latino student in that class–I told her, you know, “I don’t feel comfortable taking this class. Maybe I should drop it.” She told me, like, “No, keep going. I know you feel this way, but these other students, despite the color of their skin, they’re also feeling the same way. You just don’t notice that.” And so she, you know, put that in my head. I started thinking, “Maybe that is true. Maybe I’m not the only one feeling this.” But I did remain in that class the entire year and actually got an A throughout most of the year, except for maybe third quarter. But, you know, the majority of the year I did pretty good in terms of grades and then from there I…you know, it’s my junior year of high school, and I started taking more APs and honors classes. And that’s when I took about three APs and two concurrent enrollment classes, and at that point, you know, I started getting used to…being the only Latino in the class. I started asking for help when I needed to. And, for me, that was really weird because, you know, back in my middle school days, I was the troublemaker. I was the kid who was targeted all the time by teachers because, you know, I was that one kid who just frustrated the teacher, annoyed her whenever I could. This transition from being this annoying kid [to this] quiet kid who just doesn’t really talk. Because, yeah, [in my] middle school days, I was really a big troublemaker. Then switching over to eighth grade, junior high days, I turned really quiet just because a lot of stuff at home was you know…there was a lot of stuff going on at home.…especially with family and, you know…something changed in me during that sophomore year. I actually started caring about education for once. I actually had thoughts of going to college for once And I think Melanie Moffat was definitely, you know, one of the people important to me, who helped me to make that decision [about] going to college. Because I honestly didn’t think of going to college, and then, you know, I took chemistry, anatomy in my sophomore year and then, you know what? I fell in love with it and, you know, started going in that positive direction of going to college and so now I’m here.

Lux: Yeah, that’s incredible. It sounds like she’s a huge supporter and just a really great source of encouragement. I’m so glad she encouraged you to stay in that class. Because at the end of that, you’re doing AP classes, you’re doing concurrent enrollment. That’s essentially college level work, right? So, it’s like yeah, you totally belong here.

Brian: Even in moments where I didn’t feel confident, and, you know, if I had any sort of school-related question, I’d go to her or even the Bright Futures Committee…the first [person who] was in charge was Jen O’Brien. She’s not there anymore. She retired after the second year, but she was really great. Lindsey Corretto, too, is an awesome figure, who also helped a lot with college questions and [questions about] paying for college. A lot of teachers have been involved in my life, and I think Park City High School has notoriously great teachers, really great professors. Honestly, like a lot of the teachers I’ve gotten to meet there have been amazing…They gave me really good advice for anything from math to English to any AP class and even, you know, life advice. Yeah, it’s honestly a great culture…

Lux: That’s so cool. I haven’t talked to anybody from Park City before so I’m so glad to hear that there’s a group of people who genuinely care about their students and are willing to answer all kinds of questions–not just willing, but glad to.

Brian: Yeah, and then something I’d like to add is that…something that I found really interesting about Moffat, too, is that because of her first-generation program and many of the Latinos who come into the program, I kid you not, she knows family members of siblings and even kids of students who once participated in the class because she’s been there for a while now. I’d say almost 15 years now. But it’s funny that she knows a lot of the Latino community. She’s really awesome. If you ever talk to her, if you ever do get to meet her, she’s the most wonderful person you’ll ever get to meet. She’s just awesome in any way possible. And honestly, she changed my life because I didn’t think of higher education until I talked to her, and she persuaded me. And even then, I’m still in contact with her now. She’s always checking up on me and she even tells me if I ever need anything to let her know.

Lux: Hell yeah! That’s a really good teacher right there.

Brian: Yeah, she’s awesome.

Lux: Taking a little bit of a change in direction, I was wondering if you could talk about what it was like during your first semester on campus?

Brian: Yeah, so mine is kind of funny. I’ll kind of elaborate more, but, to sum up my story…it’s been an awesome experience, but it’s also been quite funny just because you know being Latino on campus. It’s difficult to come by, you know, any minority students around campus. So whenever I introduce myself to anyone, especially my roommates for the first time, they’re like, “Oh sick, you’re Latino. That’s awesome.” And I’m like, “Oh, I didn’t know it was that unique.” Something that I vividly remember is when I moved into my dorm at Epicenter, it was like the first week. I remember my roommate, his name is Mason…My parents had just left and, you know, I was still unpacking all my stuff. I remember Mason. I had a mocajete. If you know what a mocajete is, it’s one of those, you know, where you smash like guac and, you know, seasoning, salsa, or any of that. I brought one of my mocajetes, and I put it in the middle of the island. So I left it there, and my roommate, Mason, pulls up to me. He’s like, “Bro, do you know how to cook? You should cook for me sometime. Teach me how to cook.” And I was like, “Yeah, that’d be awesome.” And, you know, honestly, like before going into college, I honestly was always worried about how others thought of me. That’s pretty much Imposter Syndrome in a way because you’re always worried about, like, “Oh shoot. Maybe I should be doing better,” or, you know, any of that. But I wasn’t really proud of my own culture. I was always, you know, pretty anxious, pretty tired, you know, not feeling so well in class. But getting here, it’s kind of like I feel more proud of myself. I feel more like I need to represent my own culture, and I think one of the best ways is obviously educating others about it. Like for example, one of my roommates I always talk to, his name is Mitch. He actually went on a mission to the Dominican Republic about a year ago or two years ago, and I always talked to him about Latino culture and the differences between the Dominican Republic and Mexican culture. And it’s awesome just talking, you know, seeing the differences between Dominican Republican culture and also Mexican culture. And it’s awesome just talking and, like, seeing those differences. But something I’ve been trying to do a lot more, getting on campus, is teaching others about my culture and just not being, you know–How would I say this?–not be tired of yourself, or not…ashamed of yourself. 

Lux: Yeah, like not self-conscious about it.

Brian: Yeah, not self-conscious about it, or even hiding it because that’s something I did in high school a lot was hide my own culture. And I’m like, oh dude, I should not have done that. Being here, that’s something I want to change. I want to be more prideful in my own culture, right? And show it off.

Lux: Yeah, and it’s so tricky to feel comfortable doing that in a university that’s so racially and ethnically just…predominantly and historically very white. Not just the state itself, but the University–our faculty, our staff, the student body. I think it can have a huge impact on a lot of things, like feelings of belonging and your mental health, too. So, yeah.

Brian: Yeah, like I definitely want to advocate and educate others about the wonderful culture of Mexico, right? Mexican culture is really beautiful. You know, agriculturally, it’s really nice. Foods are great, dances and all that–it’s really nice. And I even have, like, a little Mexican mug that I have and I just use it for, you know, tea or anything like that. Tea or even hot chocolate. But yeah, I’m trying to, you know, come out of my shell more and educate others about it and just, you know, teach them, show them the wonderful parts of Mexican culture, Latino culture.

Lux: Yeah. My mom’s from Aguascalientes. Which part is your family from? 

Brian: Oh, so yeah, my mom’s from Guerrero. My dad’s from Michoacan.

Lux: Oh, cool. They’re kinda close. So I want to talk a little bit about what influenced you to pick the major that you picked. Was it more interest-based, or was it kind of through exploration–how did you get there?

Brian: Yeah, I’ll explain it. So, just starting from nothing, right? Like not deciding not to go to college, right? In 10th grade, that’s when I took my first chemistry class, anatomy, physiology, EMR, you know, all those anatomy kind of classes, trying it out. And through those classes, some of the professors that were in there were really awesome. They taught me all the basics for anatomy and all that. And I think through that, through EMR and anatomy–EMR stands for emergency medical response–I think those two classes made me like, “Okay, this is what I’m going into. This is for sure something I want.” And then from there, I started looking at internships, anything available in my community, and that’s when I found the People’s Health Clinic. That’s a special clinic, by the way. Not many people know about this, but it’s a clinic just for [the] uninsured, and so a lot of the population that comes in through that building is majority Latinx. And a lot of people I know come through that–and I personally know them, so it’s kind of cool, seeing people who I know come into the establishment, and then get the medical help that they need, whether it be through vital signs, blood pressure cuffs, or getting their blood glucose tested, you know with A1c’s, it’s awesome.

Lux: That is awesome. What’s the name of the clinic again?

Brian: The People’s Health Clinic. If you know where the Intermountain Hospital is in Park City, it’s pretty much right next to it.

Lux:  Okay. That’s really cool. I wish Salt Lake City had something like that.

Brian: Yeah, it’s pretty unique. But obviously, you know, taxpayers pay for that. And then Park City–being the wealthy urbanized area it is, right?–facilitates that and has that.

Lux: So, are you working right now while you go to school?

Brian: I’m not currently. I am trying to find a job, though. And actually going back to the majors and, you know, why I picked my major, you know, through that internship through the People’s Health Clinic that further cemented my idea of going into the medical field. From there because you know, I learned about several…types of medicine. For example, generalized medicine, women’s health, pediatrics, a bit of behavioral health, too. But a lot of the time, I’d be translating, bilingually translating between Spanish and English between physician and patient. And through, you know, learning about all the stuff that they offer, it’s really awesome. And I think through all that experience and, you know, by being able to bilingually translate between patient and physician and also my personal experience with therapy. Finding that therapy is one of the most helpful ways to combat mental health. I find mental health is something that I want to do, especially because–you know, for Latinos and Latinas, especially Latino population–you aren’t really aware about mental health. And that’s something I do want to change is, you know, advocate for mental health and know that it’s okay not to be okay.

Lux: Yeah.

Brian: A lot of Latinos don’t know about mental health, and it’s really sad. Like I didn’t even know about it. That’s kind of why I got into therapy in the first place, right? I didn’t know much about it…You know, if you ever tell your parents about depression, or you feel more sad than usual–if you tell your mom or your dad, the first thing they’ll tell you “coge la escoba,” start cleaning.

Lux: [Laughs] I remember that with my mom.

Brian: Yeah, like you’re always told consistently, you know, if you ever feel sad or you feel mad just get the broom and start cleaning, or do something. Yeah, cause you’re always taught that’s the way they were taught. So, you know, the same thing would happen to us, right? Like, yeah, that’s that way they’re gonna teach us. So it makes sense.

Lux: Yeah, similar experience here with my own mom, but, yeah, it’s really challenging. And maybe it’s a generational thing, as well.

Brian: Yeah.

Lux: But, yeah, it can be really tricky to explain to a parent that you’re depressed, especially if that parent has been through a lot of hard times themselves. Sometimes they’re not super receptive to hearing it.

Brian: Exactly.

Lux: That kind of leads to that whole “Well, get up and do something,” you know.

Brian: Yeah. And, for me, that definitely did take a toll during my junior year and even sophomore year just cause, you know, I felt the need to always work consistently hard, excessively even, staying after school…five hours pretty much after school. I would sit till like 5:00pm pretty much. 5:00pm. Just for an AP class or even, you know, a tiny grade boost, anything like that–just because the mentality of “Okay, if you’re not doing anything, you got to work hard. Work, work, work.”

Lux: Yeah

Brian: And so I think through that, that was something I didn’t necessarily like and through my own personal experience with therapy that’s helped a lot. And ever since I’ve gotten that therapist, it’s helped so much in many ways. You know, managing anxiety, depression, and all that sort of stuff. It definitely has. It’s definitely helped a lot. And I think that’s one of my best [pieces of] advice for anyone is, get a therapist, talk to a therapist, and just see, you know? Say, you know, “Hi, what’s up?”

Lux: Yeah, it could be life-changing.

Brian: Yeah, cause mental health is not discriminatory. It attacks anyone. It could be anyone.

Lux: Yeah

Brian: It doesn’t really have a preference, right?

Lux: Yeah. So, let’s see. We were talking a little bit about how you’re currently looking for a job.

Brian: Yeah

Lux: How does that impact your ability to pay tuition?

Brian: So a lot right now, the whole thing that I’m doing right now is my parents are helping me financially pay for education. But the only reason I’m here is because of scholarships. So if it wasn’t for scholarships, I wouldn’t be here. I have more than $30,000 in scholarships pretty much.

Lux: Wow! That’s incredible.

Brian: Yeah, it’s a lot. But if it weren’t for that money, I would not be here today just because, you know, I could not afford it on my own. My parents could not help me with that. And, you know, of course, if it wasn’t for scholarships–the numerous scholarships I have gotten this last two years–I would not have attended college in the first place. And even then, I still have to apply to more just because that’s how it is as a college student. 

Lux: Yep

Brian: And something down the road that I have to look at is, specifically, as a person who’s pre-med–I will need to pay for, you know, medical school, too. So it’s a long road.

Lux: It really is, and thank goodness for scholarships because the tuition is a huge barrier for a lot of folks. I mean, even thinking back to when I was in college in the 90s, it was a fraction of the cost. But I was able to pay it while working through school, and I don’t think that it’s really not…it is possible to do it now, but it’s, you know, the cost is so great to your energy, too. And yeah, it’s just that tuition rates are pretty incredibly high.

Brian: Yeah, I agree and especially at the University of Utah where, not only is the housing more expensive than the dang tuition, which is insane. Because I paid for pretty much $13k in housing, and then tuition itself is like $12,000, which is $1,000 more…to me, it should be the other way around, right? It should be that tuition’s higher than the housing itself, but that’s how it is.

Lux: And for the cost of housing, does that cover the whole year, or is that just the two semesters? Does it cover summer?

Brian: Yeah, that’s for one semester alone.

Lux: Oh, my God. That’s incredible. Yeah, I couldn’t afford that, honestly.

Brian: Yeah, it’s pretty expensive. But through scholarships, you know, it’s the only way I’ll pay for it. And I think for this first year, you know, that same teacher, Melanie Moffat, recommended me to stay on campus just for the first year, just so I can get a chance to, you know, network, get all the resources available. And then if I wanted to, I can stay at home or find an apartment nearby for my second, third, and fourth year.

Lux: Yeah, I think that makes really good sense because you’re fully integrated into the campus community that way. I think it’s a really great opportunity. It can be so difficult to be a commuting student, too, so I completely get that. 

Brian: Yeah, and if it weren’t for those scholarships…if it weren’t for those scholarships, I wouldn’t even be here, and the only thing that kept me from having a full ride pretty much is just the housing, man. If it weren’t for the housing, I would have gotten a full ride through the University of Utah, but,  you know, it’s fine.

Lux: Yeah, I think it’s a good choice, too. And you’re learning a lot as you are on campus. Like you said, you get really well-acquainted with resources and services on campus because you’re right here. So for the next few questions, we’re gonna focus more on the relationships and support systems that you’ve had. Like you’ve mentioned a number of teachers from your high school that have helped you to navigate this experience. So, like I was saying a little bit ago, part of the first-gen experience is discovering new resources and different supports. What kind of factors or support systems on campus–or through faculty or anything like that–have you found most helpful to you?

Brian: So at the university, I think some of the resources that I find more valuable, more useful…if I were to, you know, put it on a hierarchy or place it as a list, number one would definitely be my therapist on campus. Therapist Rigoberto is a really phenomenal therapist, and I’ve gotten to talk to him many times–like four times already pretty much since today. He’s awesome and, honestly, I’ve had other therapists in my city, my own town, and it just hasn’t been the same. And, honestly, Rigoberto has always been…he’s really nice. I like his way of therapy. It’s really nice. For second, I would put my group of friends just because, you know, it’s more personal. You can get more personal with them, talk about your problems and issues and your emotions. It’s a great way to express yourself, too. 

Lux: Totally.

Brian: And then third, I would definitely put–like, this is kind of my personal take, but journaling. Anytime you get a journal, or even I like writing, too. I like to write a lot. I just personally write my thoughts and, you know, at the end of the day, at 10:00pm, I’ll sit at my desk and write my own emotions or anything about what happened today or the previous week. And, honestly, that’s a great way to de-stress.

Lux: That really is. Even being able to identify your emotions is a skill that a lot of folks don’t get taught. So being able to identify those and to write them out without ruminating on them can be a real gift.

Brian: Like I said, I do a lot of writing not just on paper, but as a journal, but also online. I do a lot of online stuff. I was trying to find a way to incorporate it into, you know, maybe some way of publishing it in, like, a newspaper or something. I’m still trying to figure it out. But something I wanted to do more was talk about the Latino experiences, you know, in the United States. And actually during this last winter, 2025, 2024…you know, I was writing. I was going through a lot during that first semester of senior year of high school. And I don’t know what I was doing. I had so many assignments this particular day. I saw a flyer at my high school, and it talked about [a] writing competition, and the quote-unquote theme was frost, I’m pretty sure, the cold or something like that…And I don’t know. I was just going through a tough time…during that period, and I just you know, I was supposed to be studying for a test, but I decided to write just because I was going through so much and honestly, I thought the best way to de-stress was just write out a personal narrative…And maybe a month later, I’d gotten notification that I had won the competition, which I didn’t even know about. I was just so unaware, you know. It was just me writing my own personal thoughts and, honestly, I didn’t think much of it. I just wanted to, you know, write and then just put it out there to see what’s up. And so yeah, I won the competition that month for January…I remember it was [in] The Park Record, which is the city’s, you know, news outlet pretty much. And if you really wanted to, you can definitely look it up. It’s online. It’s titled “Mother’s Warmth.” So I bet if you put “Mother’s Warmth” from Park City High School, you can probably find my article on there and even read more about it.

Lux: I would love to! I’m totally going to look it up.

Brian: Yeah, like, it’s super personal. It’s, like, one of the first times I ever started writing. And I find a lot of enjoyment in that. Ever since I did that and, you know, I won without even thinking of winning, I have started to write more. So writing has definitely helped me in a lot of ways, and you know to the point I’m now journaling at the University of Utah to de-stress, And then going back to that list, right? So I have my therapist, and then, you know, friends and then journaling. The third I’d say just, you know…it’s still pretty early in the year, but…who I’d put on that list would be, you know, professors and teachers…for example, with my nutrition professor, I got a chance to meet her yesterday for the first time. And, you know, a lot of people think when you go to University of Utah or any university, like professors don’t really care about you because there’s so many alumni, right? But a lot of professors do want to get to meet you, like the professor I talked to yesterday was more than willing. Like I didn’t really do as well on the nutrition exam as I wanted to, and so I got a chance to talk to her afterward, you know. We talked it out. And she mentioned a lot of resources that I could use to study up and do well. And I even told her, like, I commute all the way from here to Sandy. It’s a really far out class. It’s all the way in Sandy. It’s like an hour away from here pretty much. But I told her like, okay, I have to commute back and forth between campus and Sandy, and then [she] recommended me a couple stuff to do. And I’ll say, I felt great, like having that connection with the professor.

Lux: Yeah, that makes a big difference, being able to kind of cut through all of those layers of bureaucracy–like titles or these prescribed relationships we’re supposed to have, you know, like student and professor–and just be able to talk to people as people, that makes a big difference. So being the first in your family to attend college, I think that it requires a lot of determination and a lot of resourcefulness. Do you feel that being first-gen status has shaped your academic journey at the U?

Brian: Yes, it has actually. It really has. I think it’s affected me in a lot of ways…like, okay. I’m first-gen. I need to figure stuff out, right? But as a first-gen, I feel the need to…do more than what’s necessary, right? Like a lot of the time first-gens need to do more than what’s told right? Yeah, as a first-gen you have to do a lot more work compared to your peers a lot of the time. And I think it’s always been the case, just because parents aren’t there to support you, right? That’s way different. And there’s no really no guidance, right? So a lot of the time you have to figure stuff out on your own. So figuring stuff out on your own, [you] definitely have to network to get resources sometimes. Like if you really wanted to get specific resources, a lot of the time networking will be your best way to connect stuff or get to those resources. Because, you know, your parents aren’t really going to help you there with a lot of networks. I mean, they do have networks with families and you know friends, family friends, but it’s not the same on campus, right? On campus, you have to really find everything on your own. So, you know, there’s no other people that will help you through, you know? They’re not just going to tell you all these resources, right? There’s obviously centers you can go to, but there’s not a specific person that will directly say, like, “Okay, and you can do this, this, this, this, and you need to follow through with that.” And so here you have to figure out all that on your own… And then also, socially, you have to also get used to stuff, right? Like, you know, you’re not with your own friend group. You have to get used to making relationships with friends, right? On your own. No guidance. A lot of the time, no guidance. 

Lux: It’s funny. You would kind of imagine–at least I did before I started college–I remember thinking surely there’s going to be…I mean, yeah, there’s a student handbook, but something that has a collection of questions, kind of like an FAQ, like “If I need this, where do I go?” But instead, you end up having to ask so many questions and dig through websites. It can be pretty frustrating. 

Brian: Yeah, and, for me, I find it very overwhelming. For example, like the first or second week or so, there’s like a big club/extracurricular table set up. And my thought going into it was, get to know as many clubs as you can, just talk to people. And even then, I find it very overwhelming. There’s so many clubs to pick from. You don’t know what to pick. You don’t know which one has the most benefits or, you know, extracurricular stuff that you like. And so you can’t really ask your mom, like, “Oh, Mom…what would help me the best?” Right? Like you can’t really ask her because she’s not, you know, affiliated with the college. She doesn’t really know about the college atmosphere, you know, extracurriculars, or the GPA, or any of that. And so, yeah, it really tends to get overwhelming because there’s so much stuff going on. You don’t know what to absorb or what not to absorb. So it’s a lot.

Lux: It really is a lot. And it feels urgent, too, at the same time.

Brian: Yeah

LD: And that puts a lot of internal pressure on you to figure things out, and you’re like, “I’m trying my best here.” 

Brian: And then like you get this feeling like…I think this many first-gens associate the feeling of “Maybe i’m not doing enough,” or “Maybe I feel behind because I didn’t do this assignment, or I didn’t attend this club meeting, or I didn’t attend any of this.” A lot of the time students will feel like they’re super behind, when in reality, it’s just one assignment or one discussion you missed. It’s not a lot, but a lot of times first-gens perceive it as, you know, “Maybe I’m very behind,” when that’s not the case. A lot of students miss out on a single assignment or even a single lecture, and they’re totally fine.There’s more pressure as a first-gen because not only are your parents supporting you–if your parents are supporting you–but you [also] feel the need to, you know, represent your parents and work hard for them because they worked hard for you. You have to work hard.

Lux: Yeah, there’s a lot of pressure there, both internally–and maybe even unintentionally–and coming from family sometimes. Pressure to figure out and succeed. Yeah, it’s a lot. It is a lot to take in.

Brian: That’s something I actually struggled with through high school, too, is that during my senior year, I was like, “Okay i’m gonna work super hard and do super well in every way possible. I’m gonna stay after school an additional three hours to get all my homework done.” And through this year and even through a bit of last year, I learned that…as a first-gen, you do need to work hard, right? Represent your parents well, and do everything possible to get that GPA you want. But I think the best way I looked at it, you know, doing my first year at the University of Utah, it’s just relax, man. Just chill. Chill out, man. I know it’s a lot, but like I need to experience some of the college life, right? Have fun. Go to that one taco shop you wanted to go to Kahlert, go to the dining hall out in Kahlert with some friends. Or get ice cream or something. It’s not that you have to work, work, work, all the time. It’s good to, you know, relax and chill. Something that one of my therapists told me was, you know, “Work is great. You’re progressing, right? But just as you work, relaxation is also part of that progress.”

Lux: Totally.

Brian: So it’s important to [take a] break and, you know, working hard in both. Just as you’re working hard to get your GPA that you want, it’s just as important to take a break. It really is that simple. It’s just…take a break, relax, do something that you enjoy.

Lux: Yeah, I mean, I think that is a huge way to prevent burnout, too, is to give yourself permission to rest and that’s so hard to do. It doesn’t sound like that would be a skill, but it really, truly is a skill to give yourself a little bit of grace and a little bit of compassion, you know. It’s hard. It is a lot of work. And you deserve the ability to rest, too. And that rest is going to rejuvenate you so much.

Brian: For sure, yeah. It’s definitely an important aspect of work ethic, too. You work hard. You have to take a break. It’s human nature. You need to take a break

Lux: Yeah, like we’re not machines. It’s so important to be realistic about what our limitations are. And not just limitations, but really caring about ourselves as whole people instead of like, “I must do this labor.” So you mentioned earlier that you’ve had so many great teachers at Park City who were just instrumental in helping you with getting into higher ed. I was wondering if you had any kind of connections with faculty on campus, or if you’ve ever met any first-gen faculty here?

Brian: So, no, I’m actually part of the First-Gen Scholars on campus.

Lux: Yay! I love that program.

Brian: And a lot of people I meet through there, like Hector [a program coordinator], right? Hector does a really good job. Hector and Jimena [another program coordinator] are really cool people that I’ve met through First-Gen [Scholars]. And they do provide first-gen opportunities and even first-gen events tailored for first-gens. Yeah, so I’ve gotten to meet people who are also first-gen in that part of the building, right? It’s located in the union. So a lot of people are awesome there. But if you directly tell a lot of your professors that you’re first-gen. They do consider that. Like, it’s very important that you tell them that just because a lot of professors don’t know that you’re first-gen. If you tell them you’re first-gen, they’ll respect you a lot more. They honestly just do respect you because they know. They understand the work ethic as a first-generation student and the difficulties associated [with being] a first-gen, so I think it’d be great to let your professors know–even high school teachers. I told some of my high school teachers, and they could help me in ways I couldn’t imagine. Like some of the teachers would save an additional hour just to help me [with] homework and that’s really awesome. But, you know, getting that across immediately to any of your professors, even high school teachers. For anyone who’s in high school, tell them, like, hey, you’re first-gen. And that honesty takes a lot of weight off your back because, you know, they understand that. Professors and teachers are understanding of your situation.

Lux: Context makes a big difference for a lot of folks, too. In talking with other students, when they do get to meet faculty who are first-gen, it’s this incredible point of connection, too, because they can be compassionate. They get it. They know exactly what that was like. And it’s so tricky because you can’t identify a person as first-gen by looking at them. We don’t want to make assumptions about students, period. But it can be a vulnerable thing to say, too, so it takes a lot of courage.

Brian: Yeah, it definitely takes a lot. But if you do find a way to express yourself and tell them you’re first-gen, it really does help alleviate some of the pain–or not the pain, [but] the weight off your back just because it’s a lot. The schoolwork’s a lot. And if they understand, they may even extend some deadlines if they need to, if they’re really kind enough, and if they understand the situation you’re going through.

Lux: Yeah, I think most professors are going to be pretty understanding about that. There have been just a handful of times that I’ve met with students who needed some support to talk with their professors about things like, “Hey, could I get an extension?” But, generally, it does seem like there’s some built-in understanding there. Our lives are complicated, you know, whether we’re first-gen or whether folks are continuing-gen. School is just one aspect, one facet of our day-to-day, and it’s just really important for faculty to be compassionate and understanding. School is just one part of our lives. It’s not all of it.

Brian: Yeah, yeah, it’s definitely important, for sure.

Lux: I was wondering–and you touched on this a little bit earlier–but I was wondering if being the first in your family to attend university has impacted your social well-being or your emotional well-being?

Brian: For me, I still experience a bit of Imposter Syndrome, and I’d say, like, getting onto campus for the first time, I did start to feel a bit of that Imposter Syndrome hit again. Just because in the classroom when you get to [a] lecture, it’s so many people. Like for my chemistry lecture, there’s so many people just across the lecture hall. You’re like, “Oh shoot. There’s so many people.” And, like, it’s difficult to find people of your own culture, especially for STEM. STEM itself is really tough, too. And you, obviously…you have to figure out how to, you know, get the question, you know get the question on the table, on the board, right?…But you do have to socialize. And I think by getting here and even being in that situation a lot more, I’ve been getting better at it. Just, you know, getting to know other people. And, you know, as I was saying, I was one of the quietest students at my high school. That’s something I found troubling. A lot of the time, it’s just getting to know people and opening up, you know, a lot of the time. But by being on campus…and getting to know a lot of the people here, that honestly has helped me in so many ways, improving my social skills. Like, for example, my friend Siri. He’s from my chemistry lecture. I [got] to meet him on the first day of class. And ever since that first day of class, me and him have been helping each other out since that first day.

Lux: Hell yeah! I love that. It’s so difficult to figure out how to navigate social situations, too, in college, especially in these big classes–you know, lecture-style classrooms where they can fit, like, 300 people. It’s incredibly challenging. You’re just kind of in a giant crowd at that point and it’s hard to make that first move of sparking up a conversation with somebody.

Brian: Yeah, yeah. But ever since I’ve gotten here, I’ve gotten so much better at it…I think my social skills have gotten way better. But I’m talking, like, probably this much [gestures a big space with his hands. Like way better since high school. Like [in] high school, I struggled a lot with social stuff just because high school is a weird period of your life.

Lux: Oh, yeah. Totally.

Brian: Yeah, like a social hierarchy. You’ve [got] the most popular kid, and then you’ve got the very lowest of the low because they do this and this, or they’re not doing something cool. Once you get here, I feel like [everyone] finds their own interest in whatever. It’s you [doing] your thing, and that’s it.

Lux: Yeah, and it’s nice to have those cliques just kind of fall away, and people are really pursuing their interests, their dreams–and that’s where the focus is, rather than on all of the tricky social politics of high school.

Brian: Yeah, yeah, ever since I’ve gotten here, I’m more open. I feel more able to express myself. …Like I said, educating others about my own culture, about all the wonderful things. But yeah, it’s definitely a change. It’s definitely a bigger shift and change from high school. It’s a lot more accessible to talk to people. It’s more social…for example, if you talk to your roommate, and your roommate knows a friend, you’ll probably get to know that friend just because the roommate introduces you to one friend, right? And then from that one friend, you get to know other people, and it’s kind of like a branching system. It’s kind of like a tree where you get to know a person, that starts branching out, and it starts branching out even further. Pretty much you get to know a lot of people that way. I think that’s my advice…just network as much as you can even with, you know, some people you find a little weird or something. It’s cool to get to know them. Like, a lot of people have unique stories, and it’s really cool getting to know them.

I know a lot of people, especially in high school, people who were thought of as the weird or the, you know, not-so-cool kids–they have a lot of stories…You know, personally, as a quiet kid in high school, I’ve gotten to know a lot of people from various groups. Like I met the high school jocks, then you got the LGBTQ+ members–I’ve gotten to meet some people there, and they’re really awesome. HOSA [Health Occupations Students of America], which is like the medical club pretty much. Gotten to know people through that club. Like the latino clubs LIA [Latinos in Action]. And first-gens. Like there’s so many people from different backgrounds. It’s awesome, getting to know this diversification and getting to know different people from different areas. And I think it’s great to network with anyone, really. Because not only will that one friend you met [in] this particular instance will help you, but…if you find a relationship with a friend [or], you know, through one of your old friends or something, there’s ways [that] they’ll benefit you…in the future, even if it’s, like, a year later. Like I still have friends who [I] met probably three years ago, and they’ve helped me out in some way just because I networked.

Lux: Yeah, it’s kind of crazy, too, to think about it. Some of the friends you make in college are going to be your friends for the rest of your life. And it’s so great in that way and very liberating–that transition from high school into college–because there’s not all of that high school bullshit, basically. People are just more um focused on their own goals, and it does seem like we have a community at the university where folks look to help each other out really actively. It’s pretty great to see and just so different from a lot of other places I’ve been. So, yeah, we were talking about this a little bit earlier, but I kind of want to revisit it, how we were talking about the demographics of campus. Because the demographics will definitely have an impact, especially at a university like ours, where it’s predominantly and historically a very white institution. And we’re trying to become classified as a Hispanic-Serving Institution right now. But I am wondering, as far as racial/ethnic demographics or the socioeconomic demographics of our student body, the faculty, the staff–that can really influence a person’s sense of belonging, you know, regardless if it’s a college or if it’s a place of employment–all of that stuff impacts us and so much of it is invisible if you’re on a campus with a dominant culture, you know. Like they’re not super aware of how that affects folks that are on the outside of that culture. Do you feel like the demographics of our campus have had any kind of impact on your sense of belonging? Like you mentioned in classes, it can be really challenging if you’re looking around and you’re seeing a sea of white people.

Brian: Yeah.

Lux: It’s startling to me and jarring because we also have to think about the way that, by not having representation for lots of different groups of people, we’re really doing a disservice to our students and to all of the research that happens here because it impacts epistemic justice in a big way. So anyway, we have a campaign at the U called U Belong because that feeling of belonging is just one of those big factors in being able to complete a degree even.

Brian: But yeah, like something I would add to that is, you know, with diversity on campus, I haven’t had a lot of opportunities to figure out all the diverse clubs that they offer on campus. But from what i’ve seen so far, compared to my high school, it’s way better [right] off the bat. 

Lux: Really?

Brian: Because my high school was actually reported for an OCR report about two-ish years ago. You know, the OCR? The OCR is, like, the Office of Civil Rights.

Lux: Oh, no!

Brian: And, yeah, it’s really bad. And there was a lot of racial injustice happening there, and they actually tried to cover it up, which is really awful.

Lux: Horrible.

Brian: And that’s something that LIA, Latinos in Action, in high school tried to work on predominantly. Because for them the way they would respond to any, you know cultural discriminatory thing or anything discriminatory, their response to it was pretty much just get a poster and put it on the wall. That’s their way to resolve the issue. So I was like, okay.

Lux: Like for awareness or something?

Brian: Yeah, it was for awareness. For them, that was just the way they would do it. And I was like, okay, that’s great. Yeah, but then coming onto campus, they’re way better. Honestly, they’ve done a better job advocating for groups and even offering, like, you know, services for students who’ve faced any sort of discrimination, which is really nice. But yeah, something that I’ve noticed is that there’s a lot of clubs for diverse cultures and groups, which is really nice. Like there’s a Latino club. I’m pretty sure there’s also a Korean one…There’s also Korean events, like the one that happened last week, Saturday. Like I went to that. That was awesome. That was really cool, like, checking out Korean culture and the food. But yeah, it’s cool that they’re incorporating diverse cultures and, you know, letting opportunities for diverse groups to come together and, you know, experience their own culture. It’s really awesome. Like for example, like the Hispanic culture month that’s going on, there’s a couple events still going on, too. Like I don’t know when the next one is, but there [was] one yesterday or two days ago, talking about medical insurance. That was really cool. I didn’t go to it, but the thought of just having, you know, cultures come in and express their own culture is really awesome. It’s really great. And getting to know people of your own skin is really cool.

Lux: It’s super important.

Brian: It’s important for growth, I would say, [for] growth and independence–growth, specifically because not only do you not want to forget your own background and where you came from, right?…You’re growing your academic journey, right? Like you’re navigating the school system. But at the same time you also want to grow your own experience with your own culture and getting to know your own history of your own culture and also grow that other tree–not just your academic goals and all this stuff, but also grow your own culture and, you know, that relevancy of getting to know people.

Lux: Yeah, and it’s not like our identities vanish when we’re on campus, right? That’s this integral part of who we are, and I think it’s just so important. I wish that we had even more diversity on campus. I know that the university is kind of  an oasis in the middle of a state that’s very homogeneous. But i’ll just say that, in my opinion, the politics–especially with our legislature enforcing this DEI bill, that really can impact a person’s feelings of belonging. We should be celebrating all of the identities and cultures that make up our campus.

Brian: Yeah, it’s definitely something important. Like I said, it’s important for personal growth…It’s needed. It’s something that every person on campus needs whether it’s through your own culture, your religion, or whatever thing it is, but personal growth through diversification is very important. And I find that more diversity creates more concepts, more ideas, more expression of knowledge. And more ideas are, you know, synthesized and created that way. I think it’d be great to continue on that path of diversification. But a lot of the barriers with that [are], obviously, like socioeconomic and being able to afford [school] in the first place, right?

Lux: Yeah, totally.

Brian: Because I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for scholarships. And that’s a lot of people, a lot of my people, a lot of my culture. That’s kind of the reason they’re not here is because it’s hard to pay for it. It’s hard to get the money for higher education.

Lux: It is, and tuition rates continue to rise. And it gets harder every year. But, yeah, I think that’s very true–the more diverse our campus is, the more we’ll be able to feel a sense of community, too. Like you were mentioning identity-based clubs, there are so many. And there are so many opportunities for faculty, staff, students–everybody on campus–to participate in these events and grow and learn and become a more supportive community to each other.

Brian: Yeah.

Lux: It can be really hard when there are continuing-generation students who have generational wealth and are also represented in the demographics as a majority. It’s just like, “Wow, that’s got to be a lot less stressful for those folks, and it’s just not super fair. 

Brian: It’s how it is. That’s how it is.

Lux: It is. And that sense of belonging–or lack of a sense of belonging–can really activate your Imposter Syndrome. It can get really complicated if we don’t work hard to hire more faculty who are from diverse backgrounds. Because our student population is a lot more diverse than our faculty are. That’s really important. Especially through the lens of community. So anyway, um, we’ve got just a few more questions left. Based on your own experiences, what kind of support, resource. or service do you wish had been available to you so far as a student?

Brian: Definitely more academic resources. That’s something I would like to have. Obviously, it’s not a private institution, like Westminster. And you know compared to Westminster, it’s a lot smaller. So there’s obviously less people to waitlist for SI sessions or, you know, personal help, right? Yeah, on [our] campus, it’s a lot more students, right? It’s a lot more difficult to get support. But when it comes to individual help, you have the learning center, right? But a lot of the time, they’re booked…A lot of the times when I’ve gone to the learning center, they’re pretty booked so you have to really find the time that works for you, find times that work for your classes…time that works between your classes. But yeah, definitely more access to educational stuff and more access to academic support would be great.

Lux: I think that’s a really good idea because we have an ever-growing population on campus. Like this year, I want to say we have 35,000 students.

Brian: Yeah, and according to some people, from what I’ve heard it’s one of the biggest classes, too, right? Like in history so far.

Lux: Yep, and they’re hoping to have such an increase in enrollment that we can reach 50 000. So the more people who are on campus, the more limited those resources become, right?

Because of scheduling issues. Even stuff like the tutoring center, the writing center. There are only so many people who are trying to respond to the whole campus. So it would be great to get more of those resources. 

Brian: Yeah, for sure and it’s definitely hard to get one-on-one training, right? Or one-on-one support because of the abundant amount of students that come in.

Lux: Yeah, that can be really frustrating too.

Brian: Yeah, it does. Honestly, it is sometimes a bit frustrating because sometimes you’ll only have a specific time open. Let’s say for your schedule you only have 5:00pm on a Tuesday, and if it’s not available that hour, then you’re kind of screwed because there’s no other times that work for you during the week. And that honestly is a bit frustrating, trying to get support for, for example, a hard class, especially if there’s an exam coming up, let’s say Thursday, you’re kind of screwed there because you don’t really know what to study or how to study. Your best bet for anyone who’s taking Chem would be watching some Youtube videos…That’s kind of your only support system at that point–or even anything that the professor provided online–is your only go-to, which kind of sucks.

Lux: It does, especially if you have questions that you need answered before you can get into your assignment or finish preparing for a test, you know. That makes a lot of sense. Thinking about the time that you’ve been at the U so far, could you think back and talk about maybe a milestone, an experience, or an accomplishment that you’ve had that you feel really proud of.

Brian: Oh, like so far on campus, you said?

Lux: Any part of your higher ed journey.

Brian: So I did meet with my career coach about last Tuesday…So I showed up to her, asking questions about the career stuff because there was a career fair happening Tuesday. So I’d gotten a chance to meet her. Her name was Linda Dunn. And so I got to know her, and I talked to her. After telling her all my resume stuff, she was really proud and happy that, you know, a lot of the stuff that I did is stuff that juniors and seniors in college would have already been doing, like internships and looking at scholarships and all this. And I’m like, “Well, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” But then that’s kind of where, you know…that’s where I realized I did a bit too much in high school, and, honestly, because of that, you know, this first year has been pretty easy just because I don’t have to do as much work.

Lux: Yeah, it’s like you’ve pre-loaded all of that stuff by getting that accomplished so early. Like you were mentioning Internships–I think you’re the first student I’ve talked to who’s in your first year and who’s been looking into those. That’s really impressive. So you’re definitely ahead of the game.

Brian: Yeah, but having that, being told that, yeah, you’re [ahead of] the game and that you’re doing everything that you should be doing, it’s this sensation of like, [sigh] “I can just chill. I don’t have to do as much.” You did more than enough so far yeah, so you get this chance to just lay back, just relax, and don’t take school so hard, right? Don’t take it too serious.

Lux: Yeah, totally. That’s a really hard balance to strike, too, because you’re like, “Okay, this is really important to me. I’m spending all this time and energy and getting scholarships.” It’s so hard to accept [that you’re doing enough] until you do have that sensation of like, “Oh, I can breathe. I can take a break.” And yeah, it’s good to take breaks.

Brian: And then I think as a first-gen, going back to that first-gen mentality of, “You need to work hard. You have to keep working hard to make your parents proud of this,” you know? That thought kind of comes in like, “Oh, you need to keep working,” right? But, you know, having that career coach [tell] me, “You’ve done more than enough. You can probably look for jobs or something and not take it too serious–or work toward getting this end goal, all these goals, right? But you can just chill. You’re really good.”

Lux: That’s gotta feel like such a relief to hear, too, because I’m sure you’re just working so hard. And it’s kind of funny when we’re focused like that, we can kind of…not lose sense of scope, but like you just get so focused on your goal. You’re like, “Oh, it didn’t even occur to me that I could take a little rest here.” Or a big rest. It’s wild.

Brian: Yeah, exactly.

Lux: So just to wrap up, I’ve got one last question. What is one piece of wisdom or encouragement that you’d want to pass on to other first-gen students?

Brian: Definitely put yourself out there. I know it feels scary as a first-gen student to talk to people and socialize. It’s really not. You think that, but it’s really not the case. People are more than willing to talk to you to really start facilitating that. If you’re the one who starts it, people are going to join…that’s how it is on campus. Like if you start facilitating that conversation with someone, or if you tell people like, “Hey, what’s your name?” They’re more than open to start that conversation with you. If anything, that’s what all the students pretty much want to happen to them is–to just have someone talk to them in the first week or so. But yeah that first month you get on the campus, definitely take advantage of, you know, all the weird events going on,,,just go to any event you can. Go to any event and just try to socialize as much as you can. Just because that is where you really get to know people, and that’s where you branch out, right?…Your branching of networking starts to really help.

Lux: Totally, yeah.

Brian: That and then take a break when needed. You definitely need that, you know, that moment of rest. It’s very important to take a rest, just the same way you’re working toward your goals academically, or socially, or something like a career or internship. It’s just as important to rest. It’s really that simple. You need to rest and do something you enjoy. And then my last [piece of advice] is something that I always tell my friends and all my people that I know, family members even. Go to therapy, man. It’s just…try it out. You never know until you try it. And even then, some of my teachers in high school, they talked to me about having a therapist. They’re mentally healthy, but they still have a therapist that helps them every day. So yeah, definitely having a mental therapist on hand to talk about your issues or your problems and [say], you know, this is the way to be mentally healthy.

Lux: It totally is. I think that saying it like that, too, takes away a lot of the stigma because we don’t have any training in stuff like emotional regulation or being able to tolerate distress. Those aren’t skills that we learn in K-12 [grades]. They’re things that we don’t get a lot of guidance on so being open to talk to a therapist is so important and so huge. And like you said, we have great therapists on campus who you can visit for free.

Brian: Yeah, and even then–and this is kind of for anyone who sees this–they [the listeners] are more than [welcome] to talk to me about stuff. I love talking about deep stuff. I love having deep conversations with people. And that’s actually one of the ways I met with my roommate on the first day is we trauma dumped with each other. And it’s kind of funny, but that’s how we met on the first day, like trauma dumped up to like 2:00 in the morning, just telling each other stories, like all the stuff we went through. Because my roommate’s from Illinois, a remote area of Illinois, and he went through a lot of stuff, too. So, you know, getting that off your chest and getting to know other people’s stories is really good. But yeah, anyone who has an issue or something, just talk to me, you know. I’m going into social work in the first place. I’m also going into psychiatry. So it’s just, you know, the doctor level therapy. And that’s something I love. And if it’s something that you love, especially, you know, tying this to academic work–if you do something that you enjoy and you truly love, you’ll definitely stick with it long-term. So just do something that you love, not something your parents are telling you to do for the money. They usually tell you to do it for the money. Don’t. Just do a job that actually you tend to enjoy because you’ll stay there for a longer time and you’ll enjoy it.

Lux: It’s true because it’ll be personally meaningful, right? Yeah, that is really great advice. Thank you so much for talking with me today. I think that this is going to be so helpful for other students, being able to hear your story and just how open you’ve been and willing to share these stories. I think it’s really beautiful, and I feel so honored that you were willing to share with me.

Brian: Yes, of course.