Interviewer: Lux Darkbloom
Interview Subject: “Jackie” Jakeline Olvera Villa

Lux: Thank you so much for meeting with me today, Jackie. To begin with, could you tell us a little bit about your life and your story? Just basically, anything that you would like listeners to know about you.

Jackie: Yeah, so, I am a first-generation student here at the University of Utah. I come from a low-income family whereby we spent most of our time living with my grandparents over from my dad’s side. Like I said, low-income. I never thought this dream of attending higher education would ever come true because of the same reasons. There were times where we struggled so often. There were times where we couldn’t even afford milk and all that stuff. But I’m glad I was able to find amazing resources that helped me achieve this dream.

Lux: Thank you so much. What year are you in school right now?

Jackie: Currently, I am a senior studying entrepreneurship, marketing, and business administration.

Lux: Are you going full-time or part-time?

Jackie: Full-time.

Lux: Nice. Are you thinking at all about what happens after graduation as far as, like, do you want to go into the workforce or would you like to try out graduate school?

Jackie: All the time. That’s what I get asked a lot right now. It’s intimidating. But if I can, I would love to keep pursuing higher education and either get an MBA or an MBC. If not, then yes, join the workforce.

Lux: I think those are both great options. If I can encourage you at all to continue your higher ed journey, I am here to help with any part of that, especially grad school. The next few questions, we’re going to be looking at your motivation and your early experiences in college. Thinking back to the time when you first made the decision to go to college, were there any specific people, like a teacher or a family member, or even a particular experience that played a role in making that choice?

Jackie: Yes, absolutely. I would say just my parents. It might be a basic answer, but like most of my fellow team members or students, my parents are immigrants. They immigrated here for a better life, not just for them, but for me as well. So I feel like they’ve given it their all, and I don’t want to just throw everything away just because I feel like I owe it to them. They’ve done so much for me, and I’ve seen all the risks and everything they’ve gone through to get me where I’m at. It’s just like, “Hey, this is a little thank you, and this is what you guys deserve. Your hard work really paid off because I made it this far.”

Lux: Yeah, I totally get how that’s a huge source of inspiration. I’m a child of an immigrant, too. I also feel that kind of–and there are a variety of experiences there–but I also felt so much pressure to succeed because of that reason. But yeah, is that kind of how it is for you or . . .?

Jackie: Yeah, it really is. Just because you’re navigating higher education with no guidance, you could say, so it’s all pretty new. You have no idea of the resources or what help there is. I could really just be a helping hand and help you all the way, and fighting imposter syndrome, which is really common in first-generation students, so yeah.

Lux: Yeah, I not only recognize it, but, yeah, experienced it firsthand, and it is a tough uphill battle. But I think being aware of it, that’s such an important first step. As far as your early college experience, could you talk a little bit about what it was like your very first semester on campus?

Jackie: Yeah, I remember my very first semester, I felt really intimidated just because as I’m going into the business world, here at the U, it was really male-dominated, and the demographics were super different from the high school where I went, where there was a lot of people of color, and it was super diverse. So seeing that huge change here was really intimidating. I fought a lot of Imposter Syndrome for the same reason. I was like, “Okay, I don’t even know how I made it this far, but do I really belong here?” I was also a straight A student, so a 4.0 GPA, and coming here, the classes felt so different. Not in a bad way, but it was just like you actually have to focus and put in the work to get the grade that you want. And I didn’t know that. I remember my first semester, I also signed up for eight classes without knowing how hard that would be. I had to drop some classes because I didn’t know, no one told me, and then I stuck with four. I also remember there was this class, it was Math 1090, and this professor was a bit passive-aggressive with me. He saw that I was struggling, and instead of being there for me, he was like, “Oh, you’re struggling, you have a bad grade right now. I would recommend you to just drop the class.” I was like, “Oh, interesting, coming from a professor, yes, I like that.” [Laughs] That incited even more. I was like, damn, there’s no help here. Even the professor, coming from a professor, I expected so much more. That’s why I feel like finding these programs such as First-Gen Scholars and Opportunity Scholars, they really helped me out so much because it’s just like a home in a place where you have no idea what’s going on. They’re like, “Okay, maybe that professor wasn’t meant for you. There’s better professors out there.” I ended up taking the class again during summer that first year, and I passed with an A. It was the professor, it wasn’t me.

Lux: Yep, totally.

Jackie: Things that don’t come along as you planned, but there’s better things.

Lux: Yeah. And for what it’s worth, that is so, I think, just unacceptable for a professor to say that to you instead of offering support. That is just wild. And seeing as how you got an A a second time around, you are completely right. It was the professor and not like any kind of inadequacy on your part. That is a really tough journey to take, too, getting through that, good for you. That is so hard. I wish that that hadn’t happened.

Jackie: It was a scary experience to get through.

Lux: So this is a little bit of a change of direction, but what would you say are some of the most important influences on either your major or what you’re imagining for your career path?

Jackie: Going back to my parents, I said they risked it all. They have no knowledge on business or anything of that, but they ended up taking a leap of faith and they started growing their own business. I like saying that they have a little Amazon going on because they deliver lots of stuff. And that changed my whole perspective. I was like, “If they could do it, I could do it, too. Like I actually have the education and knowledge and might as well help them out with their own business.” So I think that’s what made me choose the path I am taking right now, just so I could be a helping hand.

Lux: That’s so cool. And, kudos to your folks for taking that leap. That’s awesome. That has to be so intimidating. A little bit earlier, you talked about kind of like your experiences being a low-income student. With that in mind, I was wondering if we could talk a little bit about the financial side of your college experience. And maybe you could talk a little bit about what your journey with paying for education has been like and what role, if any, has like a job played, whether it’s like scholarships or working simultaneously, kind of what you’ve just what your experience has been like.

Jackie: Yeah, so I’ve always thought education was key. You end up paying for things that you don’t know how to do. So throughout high school, I tried doing my best, getting good grades. And thanks to that, I was offered the For Utah scholarship, which is just the last penny scholarship. I say “just,” but it’s like a huge thing. I really appreciate that. I kept applying to lots of scholarships, got several scholarships, actually. And that helped me pay like most of my four years. Other than that, I also have done work-study jobs. I’ve been a TA [teaching assistant]. I’ve tried being involved at the university, finding my community, but also like taking jobs that would pay, you know?

Lux: Yeah, what is your work-study experience like? I haven’t had the chance to talk to a lot of students who have been involved in work-study programs.

Jackie: Yeah, it was amazing. Not what I expected, but I loved it. So I was with the program called Connect to Collect. And basically, they helped with taxes for low-income families that didn’t have lots of knowledge of what they needed to bring and all that stuff. So I didn’t help with the tax part. Like I wasn’t that good to be doing that stuff. But that’s what I originally had applied for, to learn more about their taxes, what one should bring. But it was like a whole different environment that I loved. So in order to gain that trust from parents, they would help out. So I would go to different elementary schools. And I would go to the English Learning Center, where parents would go to learn English. And I would just be there, sit there, help them out with their pronunciations, read books with them, help take care of their kids. It was just such a great community that I felt that when I had to leave, I was like, “Damn, I don’t want to leave this site.” Because I feel like one of my purposes is to really empower and help other people out. And that’s what I loved about the program. So yeah.

Lux: I love that. What would you say surprised you the most about that experience?

Jackie: Again, I feel just like the way they handled the situation in order to gain people’s trust. Like they helped out in so many ways without expecting anything back from them. They were just there to help out, be that helping hand, I was saying. And I just love people like that. They help empower individuals and expect nothing back. They’re just there to help them.

Lux: I love that. That is so cool. So are you working right now?

Jackie: Currently, I am a TA for a management class. It’s Management 3810. I also– this isn’t a job, but I’m taking a leadership position with Alpha Association of Latino Student Professionals in America as a part of their marketing [team[. And then for First-Gen Scholars, I am the student leader.

Lux: That is a lot of responsibilities.

Jackie: Yeah, it is.

Lux: How do you balance all of that? Like do you have time for self-care and social life? How do you find balance?

Jackie: The time management is crazy. At first, like when the semester starts, I try to plan everything out like, “This specific time is to study for this class or this other class. Here is my schedule for classes. This is the time I’ll be working on this or on my actual work.” And then after that, I make sure I make time for myself, too. So I am a huge lover for dance and drawing and painting so I always try to find time to keep those hobbies going. So, okay, like this semester, I have four classes back to back, no break. And it’s brutal. It’s crazy. I can’t believe I’m going through it. On my third class, I’m munching, but I’m still there trying to pay attention. And then after that, I always find time to go dancing or just taking a walk at the park, going for ice cream, like remembering that, “Hey, you’re going through all of this, but make sure to take care of yourself.”

Lux: That’s really impressive. Good for you. That’s so cool. What kind of dancing do you like to do?

Jackie: I love a lot. I’ve taken ballet. I really do love hip hop, though. I would say that.

Lux: That’s so cool. So the next few questions, I’m going to be focusing more on the relationships and different support systems that have helped you kind of navigate your college experience a little bit. So I’m wondering if you could talk about any kinds of key factors or support people who you found to be the most helpful as a college student.

Jackie: I would bring up my two main support systems that are student organizations, which is First-Gen [Scholars] again and Opportunity Scholars. Like I said, it was a culture shock not knowing there are not that many people of color in higher education, which is frightening and sad. But I found these student organizations where I found people like me and that were determined to not let anything get in the way, like not having an excuse for why we can’t accomplish this as well. If they could do it, we could do it, too. We’re here for a reason. We made it this far, might as well take advantage of it. First-Gen Scholars, they provided me with mentors, and they gave their tips and tricks on how to navigate college, little life hacks. And the same as Opportunity Scholars, we would go to leadership retreats. And that’s where I met most of my friends. I remember the leadership retreat would last like three days so we would be with each other for a good amount. And yeah, that’s just how I connected with a lot of the people I know now.

Lux: That’s so cool. And like with First-Gen Scholars, I know that a good portion of the class is devoted to exploring resources and things like that. And as a leader now, you get to design this curriculum, right? Could you talk about that for us?

Jackie: It’s a lot. It’s time-consuming, I would say that. But it’s always like thinking about what resource we should bring in that these first-year and transfer students would need most help on. So, so far we’ve brought in the Learning Center, and they’ve given their tips and tricks on how one should study and time management. We’ve also brought the Canyon View [Credit Union] where they help out with budgeting because nowadays everything is so expensive. Let me tell you that. But then tuition, like, oh my God, if you’re paying out of pocket, it’s also a pain in the butt. But we’ve helped out with budgeting, studying skills, time management. We’ve also brought in so many resources. So whenever I plan curriculum, I put myself in their shoes again. I’m like, “Okay, going back to my first year, what help would I have wanted to have received, or what resources did I want to know more about that I didn’t know, you know? So that’s that’s what goes through my head whenever I plan a curriculum. And so far I’ve heard good reviews, but yeah.

Lux: I bet you’re doing amazing. I mean, you are a 4.0 student. I feel like you’ve got some real expertise. So, being the first in your family to attend college, there are so many layers to that experience. It’s so much more than what the term kind of indicates that you’re the first in your family. It gives us a sense of parental educational attainment, but not a whole lot about the individuals who are the first-gen students themselves. So I was wondering how being first-gen has shaped your academic journey.

Jackie: I would say just being first-gen is such a privilege. It might feel like we have a lot of weight on our shoulders, but I don’t try thinking of it that way. My perspective on being first-gen is [we’re] building a path for future generations, like, “Okay, I’m struggling right now, but it’s all going to be worth it because now I know my future kids won’t have to struggle the same way that I did. I’ll be their helping hand.” So I don’t try to bring myself down by being like, “Oh, I’m doing this alone” or who knows. No, you’re never doing it alone if you think about it. There’s always people pushing you. Like my parents are like, “I don’t know how to help you out with your homework or anything, but we’re here for [your] emotional support.” And that helps out so much. The support system, First-Gen [Scholars], and Opportunity Scholars, they’ve always been there. Some professors have actually been really nice and good about being that helping hand as well. So it’s just like, make sure that you have the right people, your support system, and you’ll be able to move forward with it pretty well.

Lux: Absolutely. Speaking of faculty, do you feel like you’ve made any strong connections with faculty members or have you encountered any first-gen faculty members?

Jackie: I’ve actually recently had a lunch with my scholarship donor. His name is David Cumming. He’s a first-generation student as well. He invited the dean over, and he’s also first generation, which I had no idea. And we were talking about the purpose–one’s own purpose–and I found it really, really motivating.We’ve been through all of those hardships, and at the end of the day, it doesn’t seem like we really struggled. Like it was a piece of cake, and you make it so far in life. And I feel like I could really relate to people who are so determined and put in the work. So I saw myself in the dean’s place like, “Okay, he’s also first generation, and look at him. He’s made it this far in life.” And even with my scholarship donor, like, wow, he’s making so many things out there just to make a positive impact. And I look up to them so much.

Lux: That’s so cool. I’m really glad you’ve connected with these faculty members. That’s gotta be  so interesting, being able to share these common experiences among y’all, you know? So, navigating college as a first-gen student, as you know, comes with so many challenges and all these different opportunities. And you’ve taken so many really great opportunities. So I’m wondering if you could talk about how being first-gen has impacted your social and your emotional well-being.

Jackie: Like I said, it was really intimidating at first, really frightening. I didn’t think it was possible. I was actually talking to some of the mentors from First-Gen [Scholars] at our mentor retreat that there are some accomplishments that don’t even feel like accomplishments. They’re more like things you have to do. So coming into college, usually on social media, you see people opening their emails, and their parents are out there congratulating [them], and they throw like a big party. They start screaming. And for me, I didn’t have that experience. For me, it was more of like it’s something you have to do, which isn’t bad, but it would have been nice to have celebrated that way as well. And not taking it as a bad thing. They also don’t know, they’ve never been through it. It’s just like for me, I’m just celebrating small wins. And even though that wasn’t a small win, I still celebrated it, you know, so just changing that perspective on seeing how first-gen isn’t something bad and something scary to go through alone. You have lots of people out there cheering for you.

Lux: Yeah, and that cheering, that support is so encouraging. That can make a huge difference, really, especially if you’re feeling that Imposter Syndrome creep in. Being able to talk to folks who, yeah, who believe in you like that, that’s a really significant source of motivation.

Jackie: It really is.

Lux: So you mentioned this a little bit earlier how the College of Business is pretty male-dominated and going even a little further out to look at the demographics of the campus. The demographics of any college campus would have an impact on a person’s sense of belonging, especially in a state like ours, where we have this very pervasive dominant culture. But also, like you mentioned earlier, too, we don’t have a whole lot of diversity on campus. So I was wondering, with that in mind, how has that impacted your sense of belonging at the U– if it has had an impact?

Jackie: I thought a lot of Imposter Syndrome those times because I would compare myself so much. In classes, things would click so quickly, and I had to study so many hours to be on their level. So it wasn’t just like demographic-wise, it was also like how quickly they were able to capture the stuff they were teaching. But it’s like, okay, it’s not a bad thing that you’re different from everyone else in the room. Instead, it’s a privilege. You made it this far. And soon, hopefully, we could switch the roles, and there could be more diversity into these schools.

Lux: Yeah, I think that’s really, really important, especially for our faculty, too. We don’t want to replicate the dominant culture, but we want to reflect our actual on-campus community and the diversity we have there. And it’s yeah, it’s just so important to see these voices in scholarship and being recognized as legit sources of knowledge, you know. So shifting directions a little bit once more, and you actually have talked about this in the context of putting yourself in the perspective of those first-gen students who are in their very first year. But based on your own experiences, what kind of support or resources–or even services or programs–do you wish had been available to you as a student?

Jackie: I remember my first year, First-Gen [Scholars] was a bit different. We didn’t really bring as many resources. It was just more of like community building and building a sense of belonging. So things changed and they changed for the better. There are always going to be changes that improve one’s experience. So I feel like this change really helped out. And that’s what I mean, when I put myself in their shoes, I’m like, okay, my first year I struggled with time management and just studying. I didn’t even know what would be the best studying method for me. So I tried a lot of studying methods, and I feel like I kind of wasted time. But then I didn’t because then I knew, “Oh, that just doesn’t work out for me. Or I shouldn’t be doing this because it takes a lot of my time.” So I put myself in their shoes and then, like I said, time management, studying. What else did I struggle with? I feel like just fighting Imposter Syndrome again, and that’s why I feel like these resources really help out a lot because you’re not fighting it alone. Everyone has been through it so you’re all fighting it together.

Lux: Yeah, as a senior, do you feel like there are any resources that don’t currently exist, but that would have been really helpful.

Jackie: That’s actually a great question. Off the top of my head, no, I don’t think so. I feel like there’s a lot of resources that try to captivate every little aspect of what you may need help with. I feel like maybe just a resource dedicated to scholarships would have been helpful.

Lux: Like how to navigate that system? I think that makes a lot of sense.

Jackie: Because there’s a lot of confusion with scholarships and then financial aid. And then financial aid doesn’t have that much knowledge about what scholarship you got. And then they just go back and forth. So I think it’s been helpful.

Lux: That would be really helpful. That’s got to be really frustrating going between these two different campus entities and you’re like, “Wait a second. You’re not informed about each other?” Like a little partnership there could be really helpful. I think that’s such a good idea, creating a resource to help students navigate those systems. So kind of reflecting back over the past few years, can you think about a milestone or experience or accomplishment that you’ve had that you are really proud of?

Jackie: Yeah, I was actually thinking about this last time. I’ve always been a really shy girl. And there is this one saying in Mexico where it’s like, “Si te quedas callada, te ves mas bonita,” which translates to “If you’re quiet, or you just like don’t talk, you look prettier.” So that really stuck out to me. Not because my parents meant it that way, but it was just more of like, “Don’t be disrespectful.” And I didn’t understand that until right now. So I always thought of it like, “Oh, just don’t say anything because you want to look pretty.” So I was always shy. I kept things to myself. I wouldn’t talk as much. And growing up, in high school, I loved dancing. It was my way of expressing myself while still looking pretty in a way, I guess, without having to say anything. And I joined the drill team. And then my senior year, I applied for a leadership position, which was being a co-captain. But I just did it for funsies. I didn’t think I was actually going to get it. And I actually got it. And I was like, “Oh, what did I do? Like, I can’t believe I got it. Like, I don’t even talk. Like, I’m not even the best dancer either. Like, how am I going to do this?” So it was such a shocking moment, you could say. And I think that opportunity–because that’s what really helped me get out of that comfort zone–changed my perspective like, “Okay, don’t be quiet. Just say what you need to say, speak up for yourself, advocate for others, and be that helping hand.” And from there, I ended up getting so involved. I was involved with student government. And then changing over to the university, I kept being involved. I was an FYC, which is a part of the ASUU. I was a part of business student government, a part of First-Gen Scholars, Opportunity Scholars.I’ve been a mentor and now I’m the student leader. So seeing all that growth, I was like, damn, like, who would have thought that would have been all the progress that I would have done, coming from a shy girl who wouldn’t speak at all to like teaching class like that?

Lux: That’s so impressive. Like that girl who didn’t even have confidence to talk is now in all these leadership roles. That’s so powerful. Your voice actually has a lot of power. And that’s so cool. That’s really impressive. Good for you. I can relate in a way because public speaking is very hard. It was definitely a real learning curve. And it’s a journey, learning how to do it, too. So as we wrap up, I’m wondering if you could talk about one final piece of wisdom or encouragement that you would want to pass on to other first-gen students?

Jackie: Yeah, I don’t remember exactly the quote word for word, but the main message was like, don’t make your past or where you come from an excuse for what you can or can’t accomplish. So I’m a low income student. I was living with my grandparents for most of the time, couldn’t afford milk, and I didn’t make that an experience of how high I could come along in my life. So don’t think of things negatively. Don’t bring yourself down. Instead, be like, “Okay, yeah, I’ve had it difficult, but that’s no excuse for what I can’t accomplish.”

Lux: Yeah, dream big, honestly, and you will get there. I think that’s so empowering. Just recognizing that you are a lot more than your circumstances or your struggle. And your struggle definitely contributes in a really meaningful way to how we form our identities, and not focusing on that struggle and focusing on the things that you wish to accomplish, that is so powerful. I think that’s such great advice. Well, thank you so, so much for talking with me and for sharing your story with all of the folks who are even considering being first-gen students and the families who are there to support them, as well as folks who are first-gen students right now. I think this is going to be a huge resource for them. Your story is really, really powerful.

Jackie: Thank you.

Lux: I’m just so honored that you chose to share it. Thank you so much for talking with me.