Interviewer: Lux Darkbloom
Interview Subject: Hector Cedillo-Tellez 

Lux: Alright, so let’s start out with just some of the basics. Could you please introduce yourself and just tell me a little bit about your background? And that can be anything that you want to share, like your hobbies, stuff about your family, things like that. 

Hector: Mm-hmm. Hello. Okay. So my name is Hector Cedillo-Téllez. I use he/they pronouns. I’m currently the First-Gen Scholars Program Coordinator here at the University of Utah. So I’ve kind of been in this role for about a year and six months. So, so far it’s been pretty good. My experiences with First-Gen [Scholars] is that I am also first-gen. Regarding family and stuff like that, I am the first U.S. citizen in my family out of five kids. So it’s me. And so far it’s just me that’s gone to college with a college degree. I have a little brother who’s 20, who’s still kind of on the fence of what college is for him or if it’s something that he’s wanting to pursue. Education has also been a very important part of my family and my upbringing. It’s always been [at] the forefront of why my parents kind of came here. At least that’s how they made it out to be. The opportunities of education and having a job, being a U.S. citizen at that, like just kind of opened up a lot of doors for me. And also, in a sense, kind of also put a lot of pressure being the first U.S. citizen, first-gen. Regarding being first-gen, I had this really interesting thought because we were also interviewed by Robbie not too long ago, and he asked me kind of regarding my experience being first-gen. I think I did really well in high school because I had older siblings who did AP Calculus or were in honors, but because of their undocumented status, they just could not go to college. So at least for me, all of high school I did really, really well. I understood how to get good grades, how to study, how to do all of that. But once it came to the college application and then being in college, that was a completely new world I had to navigate. I went to a small rural town, like a college in a small rural town down in Cedar City, Southern Utah University [SUU], home of the T-Birds. Really enjoyed my time, but at the same time, there was never robust first-gen programming or any support for first-gen. I’m not exactly sure as to why, but I think it has to do with possibly like over half of our student population is first-gen, so it was just kind of like, “Oh, everybody’s on that same boat.” But yeah, we had TRIO programs, but they were never advertised as well, and they were very limited too. What really helped me at the time was a lot of our advisors and our Center for Diversity and Inclusion, who were also first-gen from a different background, but utilized this intersectional lens in a way to kind of, “We’re first-gen, we’re Latino, we’re X, Y, and Z, we’re queer…” like acknowledging the nuances of our identities and the resiliency from it all. And so from that, it just kind of inspired me to get into student organizations and student government. And so when I was in this position, I did a lot of advocacy and inclusivity, like just bringing in diverse voices into spaces that were never originally invited to. So that’s kind of where I found my passion for advocacy, just kind of like alone in college, having these people who kind of understood it, did it through a cultural club, did it through student organizations and student gov, and then eventually graduated. And I know I wanted–these are skills that I developed really well that I wanted to just kind of, in the meantime, keep helping students. And so that’s why I’m very grateful to kind of land on this job. And so I can continue the skills that I develop and also just seeing these students slowly have the tools that they need and deserve to be successful students. But yeah, that’s kind of like my little main story getting into First-Gen [Scholars], a whole lot of identities to balance at once, but yeah. 

Lux: So what initially inspired you to pursue higher ed?

Hector: A lot of it was sports, not gonna lie. So I did cross country and track. And so again, like my parents, my older siblings, they graduated and that was it. And so for me, I was told my whole life, just, yeah, like you have the opportunity to go to college, you have the opportunity. But I did not know what it meant. And it wasn’t until, yeah, back in high school, I had a couple of friends who got running scholarships to run for the university of Utah and also to run for Southern Utah University or Utah Tech, Utah Valley…I had a lot of teammates who basically pursued education. A lot of them were also first-gen, too. And so seeing them bet on themselves, like, okay, let’s give ourselves the first two semesters. Let’s see if this is something that I really want to do. And so what really inspired me was just my friends. The messaging was always there but I never knew it was for me. [I] saw my friends get scholarships. I eventually got a scholarship, too, my senior year and I didn’t know…but two months before school started, that’s when I applied and got in. So it was still during the summer, like where I decided to go to college. But yeah, it was all kind of last-minute. I’m like, I guess this is something that…I don’t want to be at home, just kind of hanging around doing work. So like, this is a one way to bet on myself, get an education, and even test myself in a new city and a new environment. That was kind of like the main goal is just like, let’s see if this is something worthwhile. And oh my goodness, I’m so grateful.

Lux: As far as your major, what did you study when you went to your undergrad?

Hector: Oh, yes. I studied political science with an emphasis in international relations. And I also double-majored in anthropology with an emphasis in cultural anthropology. So those two majors, and then I also got a minor in sustainability. What really got me involved was being raised immigrant from an immigrant family, having these pressures of being the first US citizen. This is the first time. My parents were like, “You get to vote. You get to buy a house. You get to be part of the society in a sense that’s more inclusive.” Like, yeah, it’s really sad that this piece of paper really can dictate how much opportunities are given. So for me, my parents really talked a lot about the possibilities once I got the degree. But what really got me into poli science, like eventually, like senior year was 2019. But I lived through the Trump era, first administration, and seeing almost every single week my identity be politicized and me not understanding why kind of what got me into poli sci. What rhetoric? How does voting behavior work? How did our institutions come to be? And so that was kind of what got me into poli sci. And also my dad, he was a lawyer in Mexico. He also went to school there. And so in a sense, like, my dad has always been politically aware. And he’s always had conversations regarding world politics. But I never really understood it until reality hit me. Knowing that I get to vote in a couple years, not knowing…these systems. So poli sci was [unintelligible]…a lot of the politicalizations of my identity got me into poli sci. But [the] more that I studied poli sci, it came more from a Western perspective. And so that was one thing that really frustrated me that we’d never considered other forms of democracy, or other religious, or political, or social thought that influences voter behavior. So that’s why I kind of picked up anthropology to kind of expand my mind and my perception of the world. Because yeah, I was very–not that I was set, but, in a sense, okay, this is how the world works. But then I kept, as a person of color, as somebody who’s also yearning for a more harmonious future, I learned that our systems sometimes were not meant to be inclusive, essentially. And so anthropology kind of helped me understand why, how, and it allowed me to sympathize with a lot of people that I would not have if I did not study this…the one thing I got out of anthropology is that empathy is a muscle. And so you got to keep, got to keep learning, got to keep yourself in learning people’s histories, stories and then taking that human perspective and applying it to being a public leader or, yeah, because I eventually want to go into the public sphere. I want to work in city governments. I want to work in humanitarian aid, energy development, immigration policy–that’s kind of where I want to go. But I wanted to do it in a humane way. And just doing it through a political science perspective, like in a functional, efficient way, does not encompass the whole human experience. And so anthropology was picked up. And then [I] always was a sustainability person since the beginning, since I was a little kid. So having a sustainability class was really helpful, getting to learn about the physical world, urban ecology, geology, hydrology, all of that was kind of really fun, a little escape away from the serious topics that I would study. But yeah, that’s kind of like the whole gist of why I studied the ways the things that I did, kind of in response to the world around me, and to better understand it.

Lux: I love the way that you’ve picked these disciplines. A lot of folks don’t recognize how interdisciplinary sustainability is. Political science is so deeply interdisciplinary, and having that humane perspective really fully fleshes out that discipline, right? When you were in school, did you do part-time or full-time school?

Hector: Full-time. It took me five years to get my degree, so full time.

Lux: And were you working at the same time that you did that?

Hector: The last four years. The first year was mainly Pell Grants and loans, and then the second, third, fourth, fifth, I was working part-time.

Lux:That is a lot of responsibility to manage all at once. 

Hector: Yeah, like 15 credit hours, 30 hours a week working, and then 10 to 15 hours dedicated to clubs and student orgs. And so yeah, I still found ways, but oh my goodness, I kept myself busy.

Lux: That is incredibly busy. 15 credit hours, too? Dang. Yeah, you got a lot on your plate there when you were a student.

Hector: Yeah.

Lux: Do you remember what it was like when you first started college, your first semester at Southern Utah University, right?

Hector: It felt like a movie. Honestly, it was very much like, okay, I’m moving to a new town, creating a whole new friend group within like the first two days. We’re inseparable for all of fall semester. So I’m more focused on the social aspect, and maybe that’s kind of where I did falter a little bit in the beginning is that I was more focused on the experience of what college could provide, rather than the academics and vigor that I would eventually fall in love with. But no, yeah, the first semester was just a lot of like…I understand the points of academics, but also I really like to highlight for students you’re only young once. College/university is meant to make people go to games, experience some of the things that you never got to in high school, but also, at the end of the day, we’re there for academics. But that’s one thing I really took out of, at least. The first semester was fall 2019. And then spring 2020 was when COVID hit. And so it was an interesting dynamic because…getting a taste of what college looked like in movies, all fall semester–homecoming events, homework, exams, blue books, definitely nerve wracking–but after the fall semester, I felt like I got a good understanding. Going into spring, I was really excited, and then COVID hit. And that was like a whole…yeah, that was rough. The professors did not know how to use Canvas, how to properly grade.

Lux: Just a major learning curve for everyone, right?

Hector: Yeah. So it was an interesting time. But luckily, I grew up with Canvas and the age of  being online, but I was able to kind of be on top of it for the most part. But it was a little challenging at first.

Lux: Yeah, I imagine like, especially when, you know, that truly having a community or a group of, you know, social support is so important. And you went through so much trouble to do that that first semester and like, really orient yourself with how college goes, essentially, and then for all of that to change, almost overnight, so dramatically. Did that have any kind of impact on your social or emotional well-being or anything like that?

Hector: Oh, yeah. Because that spring semester of 2020, I had a professor–an English professor– who did not understand, and I basically failed an English class that spring. Could argue both ways. She had her reasonings, I had mine. I want to, ultimately, just say it was a drastic change, that it wasn’t just me. So many other students were confused and also failed that class. So that caused some anger or distraught at first. I’m like, how does school look now moving forward? And also that spring semester, I ran out of money. So I had to leave my lease a couple months earlier. Applying for sophomore year, I did not know if that was even a possibility because of housing. Like everything, we didn’t know how housing was going to work or how we were going to regulate all of these health complications. So, yeah, it was just a whole…everything up in the air. So I felt like I was planning, re-registering, figuring out housing last-minute again as I did freshman year. So I felt like I was redoing freshman year all over again sophomore year, but all online. And yeah, we’re social distancing…there was no connection. And at the time I lived with somebody who I thought I could trust. And it just kind of became a very toxic household for that whole month of sophomore year. So isolation was very…like mental health was there, isolation. It was something that, eventually, by my third year, I got into therapy. But it was definitely hard. It was definitely hard. During COVID, that’s where I felt most alone. And yeah, that’s when I felt the most alone. And the best way to kind of show up for myself was to live. It was a really interesting time because it was also academics–dealing with academics, but also I was dating somebody at the time, which was completely new for me. And so living with them was also toxic. So like in that sense, I was like [experiencing] imposter syndrome, like at max. I’m like, I’m not deserving to be in my one house. What’s the point of school if it’s all online? What’s the point of social life if I’m going to be alone in this house…you know? And so in a sense, it was hard, but also one of the most transformative experiences because that’s when I came out to my family. I came out to myself because, yeah, I just felt so alone that I just couldn’t hide it anymore. If I’m going to be alone, then [I] might as well be alone by myself and show it out and have my own fun. And it was difficult, but also it was the beginning of the person who I am now. I had to break down to very small pieces to build myself back up to where I’m at now. So COVID definitely was a…it was a time.

Lux: Yeah, so much turmoil, and it just kind of threw a wrench into the works. But I mean, struggling with a household that is toxic is, I mean…that really had such a tremendous impact…

Hector: Yeah, I couldn’t go to family for that either, too. That’s what kind of scared me is because it was a queer relationship so I couldn’t really go to my parents and be like, hey, this is an identity I’ve been [unintelligible] for you. I’ve been living with somebody for a couple months that you don’t accept. It was a very isolating time, but luckily, we made it.

Lux: Yeah, we came out on the other side of all of that bleakness. And that had to be devastating, too, in the midst of all of these complications and, you know, frankly, just scary experiences that you’d have this faculty member who decides to fail you. It just shows a real lack of compassion. And yeah, that can also just greatly contribute to those feelings associated with imposter syndrome. And I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s brutal. That’s a lot to take in and, especially when you’re young, that’s…

Hector: Oh, yeah, reality hit so fast. And that’s one thing I was not preparing for. Yeah, like just the realities. Yeah, because I remember the first week of college where I had friends be sexually assaulted. And I would be, too, that semester of my freshman year. And so just kind of like, and being in a rural town, where there’s not that many resources or…conversations, it was…Yeah, girl, I felt like we were…like it was just us… But like, not many people can last in Cedar City, because it’s a town where you literally have to find your resources, and if you don’t, good luck. So I’m very grateful for my friend group that I found my freshman year. We stuck to each other by each other’s hip. Maybe we trauma-bonded here and there, but we’re still here together, like post college after we graduated. And like, I’m very grateful I found my community. But oh, my goodness…everything in Cedar City was grassroots. Everything we did as a student organization was grassroots. Everything we fundraised, it was out of our own pockets…there was no support. And so we had to do it, eventually. Out of, like, not knowing how to, but we did it.

Lux: Yeah, I mean, this [being resourceful] is one aspect of your identity, but you’re very resourceful. And this is the thing I notice about a lot of first-gen students, too, that you navigate these large, complex systems that don’t show a lot of support back to students, especially the students who are coming from identities that are truly vulnerable identities, you know? And yeah, that lack of support is so palpable. And I’m really sorry that happened to you. Also a fellow survivor here so I can relate to how alienating that experience is, really. So from this is a sharp turn in a different direction, but as you mentioned earlier, the things that led you to selecting the programs that you went into. So kind of similarly, I was wondering what led you to make the career choices that you have? Because the position that you’re in does really kind of perfectly match and align with a lot of these disciplines and values of those disciplines.

HectorT: No, it’s very much what got me to this position. It’s very much the values themselves. Because I, yeah, after doing a lot of grassroots organization as a student org, I built up a lot of skills and a lot of people skills. I’ve sat in committees and in environments where I knew the person sitting across me did not like my ideas–or, like, literally powerful people, board of trustees, things like that. And so, like, these were skills that I knew I could take with poli sci. Or if I wanted to go into anthropology and do ethnographic research, I could go with that. But…while as much as it is value- based connection, human and accessibility, like it’s also…I’ve always been an advocate…Even like after COVID, after realizing how…our identities are intersectional, how we can learn so much, like I’ve been more vocal an advocate. And especially after the anti-DEI [Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion] bill that passed. That bill opened up a wound that I tried to recover so hard. And through student organizing, I really tried to build…because being in the state, being brown and queer, where we’re not predominantly the majority demographic, and when there is a large institution, religious institution that tells me the way that I live is not the way that I should be living, it’s definitely interesting. So kind of having this environment where I’ve been told that I’m not deserving, I try to build it through the student organization. I try to do it through celebratory events [with] everybody welcome…and it was a successful time. And I honestly felt like we were doing progress as a student org in a lot of cultural diplomacy, making sure that all of our events are open for everybody…I’ve been a very politically aware person, so I knew this bill was eventually going to happen. And so when I became a president of my club and also got involved in a student org and student government, like I tried to like, “come on y’all”…not in a way to save our butts, but…I did try to play with our system, and we did it. We complied, we followed rules, but yet it was still not enough for this legislature to strip us away from our funding, strip us away from our physical spaces. And it really opened up a wound, like, oh my gosh, a deep wound I had since I was 14. And so in a sense I was angry…there were parts of me, like, I could go to a different, completely new state, be completely removed from politics because I felt like I got to a point where I’m like, I’m done. We’ve been screaming at the top of our lungs, been screaming at the board of trustees, been screaming at the SUU president to try to advocate, but there was nothing, literally just yelling at a wall. I was just like, “I don’t know. I think I’m ready to leave.” And then Maria, who was the director of the center here, she also built the Center for Diversity and Inclusion down at SUU. So she has a legacy at SUU and also here at the U that my advisor at the time was like, there’s an opening position for First-Gen [Scholars], and so I’m like, “Hmmmm. I already do FAFSA nights, I already help students with LinkedIn, kind of everything that we do now in the program,” I was doing it as a student for free. Yeah. And so I’m like, might as well just apply. And I already have my degree so might as well go for it. And grateful that I got here. But yeah, like, I could always [do] advocacy, whether it’s through the environment, like access to our environment or natural spaces, or through education, or just through music and dance…I’m always somebody who wants to celebrate and open up the door for others to celebrate. And it was such a shame that a lot of the work that I did at a cultural celebration was, is no longer. Yeah, it’s just because of loss. Yeah. 

Lux: Yeah. And on our campus, we know that–and I’m going to say this in as neutral a way as I possibly can–so the president went above and beyond with closing various resource centers, whether it was the Black Cultural Center, or the LGBTQ Resource Center, or the Women’s Resource Center. None of that was part of that legislative bill, right? So wondering if you could talk about what your thoughts are on that, especially in the position that you’re at now. You’re interacting with a lot of students who are potentially impacted by the loss of these centers. 

Hector: Yeah, just before this interview, I had a student just kind of talking about like, it’s so hard to find community and people who understand the struggles, like, especially from the events that just recently happened.

Lux: Yes.

Hector: …Students yearn for physical spaces in which they can be vulnerable and be heard and not be judged for their frustration and fears. And it sucks that a lot of these frustrations and fears are political. And since we have the neutral policy through USHE [Utah System of Higher Education] and through the state laws, we can’t really say much…some of our centers have to be…there’s some redlining. And so it’s very unfortunate because there are students who do come in, they’re like, “I just don’t know where to find these people to hold these conversations. Are we ever going to have these conversations? Are we just going to act like nothing’s happening?” And I don’t know, that’s why I offer up my space in my office for them to vent. Because I needed this. The same stuff, the same political things that we experienced the past two or three, four years, I needed my own advisors just to give me a space to listen. And so I think a lot of these students just…yeah, a lot of them want to get involved with their cultural identities, too, but since there’s no physical space to find these orgs, they don’t know how to get involved. And so yeah, it’s a disconnect. It’s a disconnect that I see with our students. And especially the way that the [DEI] bill has made First-Gen [Scholars] change in the way that we do our outreach. There’s been a need from our upperclassmen for community, but we don’t know how to properly do that within the limitations that we have with our program. And so, you know, it’s been a little tough. I’ve been just telling students clubs, create a club, we are still within our rights to do that for advocacy in that sense. But like, again, there’s so much redlining as a staff [member] that there’s only so much I can really provide them and give insight. 

Lux: Yeah, and it’s frustrating because they don’t extend the value of academic freedom that faculty have to staff, which, you know, personally, that just doesn’t make sense to me. We should be able to talk about identity without it being politicized. It’s who we are, you know?

Hector: Exactly.

Lux: So yeah, it’s always really a frustrating thing to see the university administration just kind of bend to the will of…

Hector: Yeah, because I felt like an undergrad when it all happened my senior year, like I followed how every university was rolling out their decisions. And like, surprisingly, UVU was one of the only ones who still advocated and changed their names and still had their center up until this past June, when they had to rebrand completely. As somebody who’s been taught our whole lives that academic freedom…or just also studying anthropology to where religious institutions and educational institutions were the pillar of free speech, freedom of thought, fighting against these sorts of censorship. And it was just very dystopian to see all these systems kind of fall in line with no fight. And not listening to the students. And that’s the thing, too, like we had community conversations at SUU, we packed whole auditoriums and things like that. It was just a show. And so I feel like the frustrations we feel also kind of correlate with the frustrations we feel across society right now. It’s like we’re advocating, we’re following the systems where we’re doing what we need to do, but yet we’re not being heard. And unfortunately, budget cuts are happening…our centers are losing motivation to do the work that we’ve been tasked to do. And so, yeah, it’s a little dystopian ever since that bill kind of happened. Yeah.

Lux: Yeah, and I think, too, that we’re seeing a lot of epistemic injustices happening on our campus, even more than they had been previously. And we’re denying folks their identities.

Hector: Yeah.

Lux: On a different note, we’re going to kind of meander a little bit. But these next questions are more about the practical aspects of college life. So you talked about how when you were in school, you worked part-time, but you had a lot of responsibilities in addition to that. So many, actually, it’s kind of incredible. What kind of strategies did you have to balance or prioritize those responsibilities?

Hector: Definitely use Calendar, like Calendar became my best friend, like from sleeping to studying or having breaks in between [for] like 15 or 20 minutes. Everything was on the calendar. So that, in a sense, is how I kind of kept myself in line and in check, personally, when I was alone, using a lot of my phone to kind of keep me there. But also, I was very blessed to be around a very academically focused friend group, where we all just kind of study together. We’re all leaders of our own organizations. So, at the same time, we understood the frustrations of being student leaders and working, but also, like, we can rant. 20 minutes, 30 minutes, an hour or two of study, quick little rant. And then that’s kind of like that community. It really helped me. Because yeah, also just therapy was also really great…[I] was doing therapy once every two weeks for the last three years of my undergrad. And that really helped me navigate my identities, my frustrations, but also learning, having somebody to help me talk out what my priorities were for the week or for the semester was really great. I met a lot with my college advisors, and also my professors a lot, too, if there was anything that I was missing, we’ll just kind of stop in and kind of figure things out. Um, so, I enjoyed my time in Cedar, because I built a system that reminded me of my responsibilities, but also gave me time to, like, rest. Yeah, like I had an amazing support group that were all doing the same work through our Black Student Union, Native American Student [Union], or like LSU [Lamba Sigma Epsiolon]. We’re all doing our work. We all understood the frustrations, but also we understood the importance of why we’re here together in the beginning. And so I think having that mission for sure, we were always reminding ourselves–yes, we’re first-gen. We’re resilient. We’re in systems that were not ever meant for us, and we’re supporting each other. And it sounds a little silly too, but after my senior year…some friends already graduated, too, and like it’s now me, the only one, doing my capstone. All my friends are like a year younger, or like not doing their capstone yet. So when this was happening, I used a lot of my resume to know where I’ve been, what I’ve done, what I’ve studied…because, again, Imposter Syndrome is always consistent, and so by the time I was graduating, like [thinking] there’s no way I’m about to graduate. And I see my resume, and I have friend groups all around me just kind of reaffirming and reassuring that the work has been done, and it’s time to graduate.

Lux: Yeah, it’s kind of a surreal moment, isn’t it, when you get to that position? So you mentioned earlier that you finished your undergrad in about five years, is that right? I’m also a member of the 4+ years undergrad degree. On a related note, we have heard, coming down from the university administration, that faculty, administrators, staff are encouraged to, well…I guess they’re, we’re asked to encourage students to try to graduate within a four-year time frame, and I was wondering what your thoughts are on that, as a program coordinator especially, and a person who like me, took me five and a half years to graduate.

Hector: I think it’s a very good roadmap to begin with, like the four years, just kind of having a basic expectation of how long education [could] take you, but also, from my own experience…SUU was half first-gen, so a lot of the students I met were either on their sixth, seventh, took a couple breaks. And I was in an environment, in a school environment where it was very, like, as long as we get our degree, as long as we’re doing that work, that’s all that really matters. Like the four-year degree, yes, that’s the goal. Don’t want to spend more money than what we should or expect to. But I think about my experience, I was not ready to graduate by my fourth year. I know for a fact…I could have graduated my fourth year, but I was not ready. I knew I needed a little bit more guidance, a little bit more mentorship, another class to kind of help me click in some materials. So when I tell these students, a lot of them either have fears with financial aid, or that they failed a class, and they’re debating whether to skip out on a semester or a year, I try my best to [ask], “Have you thought of learning about the resources that we have?” But also, I do not judge them for taking a break. If anything, I encourage them. If they need a break, go for it. If you need to transfer to another university that’s more within your budget, go for it. And that’s one thing that’s very different and [I’ve] kind of been butting heads with some of our advisors, like with success coaches, as good examples. Their goal is to keep the students here, utilize the resources that we have here. Well, as much as I’m here to help them with that, too, I understand being first-gen is hard, and especially at an institution where the only support we really have is during your first year, then better to go to a university that has all these cheap opportunities, small classes, smaller corporate programs. That’s another thing, too. I’m so grateful for my education…there’s a bunch of universities here in Utah that have amazing professors, have amazing programs, that are more than willing to give you more opportunity than maybe being in a classroom where 40 students are competing for two spots in a research field, you know. We had a class with [unintelligible]…basically, one presentation when they told our students that 80% of jobs are found through networking. 

Lux: Wow.

Hector: And, yeah, it really puts [things] into perspective. Because if I did not talk to my professors or advisors at a smaller school, I would not have figured out the job position here. And I’m sure a lot of the students, at least our freshman here…like I’m in a classroom full of a hundred students, [who] don’t know how to talk or connect with professors. And that’s something that I cannot relate to. I had classes, the biggest was 35 and the smallest was eight. On average, there were just 15 students in class.

Lux: Damn, that’s incredible. Yeah, similar on my end. I’m a Weber State grad, so I get that…in your experience, did you say you had Pell Grants at some point?

Hector: Mm hmm.

Lux: And that it wasn’t for the entire duration of your undergrad. So being a first-gen student and interacting with student loan organizations or financial aid, what was it like for you navigating that?

Hector: At first, it was kind of confusing because I did not know the Financial Wellness Center at SU was also a resource, but it wasn’t as robust a resource as we have now. So my freshman year, we only had the Financial Aid Office in the registrar to kind of help us navigate what these loans were. And they’re all student workers. So at the same time, most of them kind of never had the answers. So the first two years were definitely scary. Just kind of like, I guess I need this extra bit of money to pay off a couple hundred dollars of tuition. And so it wasn’t until getting more involved with the Fnancial Wellness Center, learning what loans were. And then also…it was interesting because a lot of my schooling was paid for through Pell Grant. But there were the last two semesters, I had a couple hundred dollars, and the max that they pay–at least the max pay I saw in Cedar City is like $15 an hour. And every student position that we had at SU was $9 an hour. And so our paychecks were very, very small. So I would go to Financial Wellness or talk to the Center for Diversity, and just learning these centers have emergency funds also has helped me out a lot, too. I don’t want to say like, “I just walked in and begged for help.” But these are the centers where I was participating in their workshops. So in a sense they understood [my] work ethic…so they were able to vouch for me. They gave me a couple last-minute scholarships to pay off tuition. So that was one way that I was able to balance financial aid. The Financial Wellness was a really great center to just kind of talk about all the frustrations, whether career-wise, how to budget. Yeah, I used it the last two years and ever since I’ve been here in this position, I tell every student to just meet once with Financial Wellness.

Lux: Yeah, totally. Financial literacy, especially around, I mean, the language that we encounter in student loans about “subsidized” and “unsubsidized,” what does that even mean, right? Like when you’re first encountering it, it’s just like…

Hector: It’s just words. 

Lux: Yeah. There’s a lot of information that I don’t really have a handle on. And yeah, the Financial Wellness Center, I think it’s such a huge resource and I’m so glad, so glad that we have that. Just like all of our wellness programs are incredibly supportive of our students, and staff, and faculty. One thing that I think I mentioned earlier, I’ve been working in first-gen programs for about 10 years now. And when I first started and up until pretty recently, First-Gen Scholars was a multi-year cohort program. So we saw a lot of increased retention in our second-year students who were part of the program, where often that’s where there’s a huge exodus, leaving campus during that second year when things become just–not necessarily more challenging in terms of coursework–but in terms of the bureaucracies of higher ed. So having seen both of those, I have some preferences, and I feel like I can see some positives. I can see a lot of positives in the multi-year cohort approach, and I was wondering what your thoughts were on that shift.

Hector: Yeah…unfortunately, I didn’t get the opportunity to experience the cohort with its multi, like multi-school year group. But something that I did value a lot during my undergrad was having to, like seniors in my freshman year telling me about FAFSA or telling me about how to navigate certain professors or essays. Having upperclassmen really, like it made school seem a lot less stressful and learning from them has also made my experience in undergrad. And so that’s one thing I remember when I got here. I was like, wait, these students are literally just learning about how to be a college student just from a professor and two students, which I guess it works. But also like a lot of first-gen experience is trial and error. That’s how we learn and sometimes having these mentors can definitely do a lot of work in pushing these students away from their comfort zone to explore new things. So when we separated the mentors from the class last year, it was like, how do you expect these students to find representation, find connection, find themselves if they don’t have upperclassmen for them to see parts of their identity in? So I definitely agree…I wish I could experience that essence of having a freshman talk to a senior, and then these two people kind of share similar experiences, but also be in the same class to learn about the same resources…I think a lot about my undergrad. And it wasn’t for the people who were two years, three years older than me [who had] graduated, I would not be inspired to be in student government. A lot of inspiration, too…a lot of the confidence I got were from the people who saw it in me then that I couldn’t see. And a lot of it came from upperclassmen. And so that’s one thing I wish I got to experience, for sure, is the multi-[year cohort] class. Yeah. 

Lux: Yeah. And I mean, we know that a lot of our best education is peer-to-peer.

Hector: True.

Lux: Especially around engaging resources, services, or spaces, even when you’re like, “Oh, I don’t know. I’m a student. I don’t know if I have access to this stuff. I don’t even know who I would ask.” So yeah, that peer-to-peer teaching is so effective and helpful in so many ways.

Hector: Yeah. I also want to add on, my last semester of undergrad before the whole anti-DEI bill was happening. At least a lot of the conversation…was collective memory and how every four years there’s always a new class coming in with their own ideas, their own expectations of colleges. And I think having these multi-generational students in these class[es] can help strengthen this collective memory and collective identity of what being first-gen is. Because I feel like once we have a new cohort, I’m glad they’re able to run with it and create a whole new culture. But that’s one thing I do notice differently from the U and SUU is that [at] SUU, we’ve really highlighted traditions, and all of us could be a T-Bird identifier. We could all be in a community. I feel like the U has some traditions, but they’re not consistent. There’s no unified identity. It’s just going to an event. And so I kind of think about that with First-Gen [Scholars], without the people who have seen the spirit of what the program has been, we’re now trying to fill it up with a new spirit that’s or just a new energy…I don’t know if that makes sense. The collective memory. So, I’m so grateful this year where we’re having mentors because they can tell the students from this year how last year went and what’s doing better and what’s working. Because I think context is so important and knowing the history, knowing context, knowing how First-Gen [Scholars] came to be and…this is such a resilient demographic. And I don’t feel like we acknowledge it as much as we should.

Lux: Agreed, agreed. I think that we should be more asset-focused when we’re talking about our first-gen students, because first-gen students do have a lot of skillsets that continuing-generation students don’t have by virtue of having a lot of privilege, essentially.

Whether that’s, you know, generational wealth or having access through multiple family members to get an introduction to these systems. On a related note, how would you describe your experience as an undergrad in feeling connected with your faculty? You did mention that SUU has smaller class sizes, generally. We know that folks sometimes hear about campus resources from faculty. So kind of just talking about what your interactions with faculty were like, if you had a positive or negative experience in general. 

Hector: Most of them were pretty positive. Like again, I wish SUU really used their first-gen identity to do some [unintelligible] programming. But, again, a lot of our professors we had were also first-gen, half of the student population were first-gen, so it felt like a very inclusive environment. Like the rigor that the professors here at the U have–not to say it’s more lenient there, but like there’s more humanity with our assignments and with the conversations we would have with our professors. And so in that sense, [I] never felt uncomfortable in class, never felt afraid to bring up my own experiences about as a first-gen or as a minority. There was always a level of respect and…yeah, so grateful for how small the classes were. Because, again, small colleges. So these students I would see like two semesters ago, they got to know the stories I would share in that class and just kind of continue that cohort [or], in a sense, relationship with these students. So in that sense, I felt pretty safe. A lot of the resource navigation or, like, the search for resources came more from an individual perspective. I wanted an understanding of my identities. So that’s why I kind of got involved with Center for Diversity and Inclusion, got involved with the LGBTQ Resource Center that we had just to learn. Again, there’s no representation that I had regarding being queer and Latino, and so I also took this time in undergrad to not only learn about the systems, the jobs or careers that I want to get into, but also the history of my people, the history of oppression and resilience. And also [it] instilled pride in me and having professors and also some staff in the centers who also understood my want to feel connected or know about my heritage was really, really amazing. But it was such a good experience. Like I never had a negative [experience] directly other than that freshman year, like [with] COVID, Canvas. But aside from that, I feel like COVID humanized a lot of my professors. And we also kind of saw each other like, “Okay, you struggle with the internet. We struggle with whatever.” And so, I never had a really terrible time at SUU. It was a very inclusive environment, at least for me.

Lux: Did you have any professors identify themselves as first gen?

Hector: I don’t think they directly said first-gen…here’s another thing too, that I found very interesting is that the first-gen identity isn’t as celebrated in white, rural communities, compared to a lot of minorities. So a lot of the time, these students were like, “Oh, yeah, I’m the first in my family in Rural Town, Utah to come to college.” In my head, I’m like, “Yeah, that’s first-gen.” But also, it was such an interesting dynamic that we never even brought up the identity of first-gen. Like, it was never talked about, even though we knew we were all first in our family. So I don’t think any of them directly said they were first-gen. But a lot of them were like, “I’m from a small rural town. I’m the first one in my family to be in college.” So [I] never really understood it, because it was never said, but I knew they were first-gen…When I got to this position where I’m like, “Oh, this is an identity that I do have, that I can also speak on,” compared to the small college where we’re like, “We’re all first-gen. What about it?” Like, you know, the kind of attitude I had. And I’m like, that’s the only thing you think of. Nobody really said, “I’m first-gen,” but like, “I’m the first in my family.” And so that was enough for me to be like, okay, you get it.

Lux: Yeah, exactly. Did you have any mentors or just folks who encouraged you that you could do it?

Hector: Yes. His name is Landry. Landry Igiraneza. He was the Associate Director for the Center for Diversity and Inclusion. And he was the one that always bet on me when I didn’t know if I could get positions. A lot of the internships–he found them for me. He’s like, “You’d be good.” A lot of the jobs he found for me, he was like, “You should apply.” I miss him. So it was Landry, and then my supervisor at the LGBTQ Center, their name was Cynthia. Cynthia Hawk. And yeah, they were like the first two advisors Landry IgiranezaIt was really cool to be seen in a way as a leader, and also as a human ,and where my passions came from. Because like, you can write a cover letter and you can write a whole, like, “This is who I am and why I’m perfect.” But these two saw me struggle, like struggle to make community, but still persist and create…I reminisce on college a lot, a lot of how they supported me. I helped build the LGBTQ Center that we had for a year before it was shut down…Despite knowing that these things were going to be taken away from us, we still did the work. We still knew the importance of the work that we did, the resilience. And so really, really great advisors. I love them. I think about them daily.

Lux: I bet they would be so honored to hear that, too. Honestly, it just means so much when you can connect with your faculty. Or for me, when I can connect with my students. It’s just like, it kind of takes away all of the bullshit, you know, like all of the bureaucracy or all of the titles or whatever. And you’re just connecting as people. Yeah, that is so valid and real and important.

Hector: Yeah. Cause despite it all, we built community and it’s still a little coalition that they still have despite the bills that’s passed. Like when I tell you we’re so grassroots, we find ways outside of the university, in our own homes to still plan. And that’s one thing that I am so grateful to them for…the way that they were so kind and had to sit in on so many uncomfortable conversations in rooms. [It] literally inspired me to do the same. It takes a village…It was bittersweet when I graduated. Because it was the end of all these centers. It was the end of diversity and inclusion in Utah, but they still persisted, and they still found ways, and they still are finding ways.

Lux: Yeah. Even without those centers, identity, whether folks like it or not, is not political. It’s merely who we are. And yeah, those identities have always existed and will always exist. So yeah. So kind of wrapping up a little bit, I have a few more questions for you. Looking back, especially as a person who works with students and has always really worked to support other students, what kind of program or resource or service would you like to see created for first-gen students either on our campus or just broadly? 

Hector: Yeah, at least right now considering the [First-Gen] Center, I really would like to do some programming as a center. Because there’s the First-Gen Scholars, which is a program. But then there’s a center that doesn’t do a lot of programming as a whole. If we were to pick up [programming], I would want to do some more workshops catered to upper classmen, service projects. I would want to partner more with Bennion Center. That’s one thing I did a lot in my undergrad is we did service projects twice a semester just to give back to the community in that sense, too. So like a lot of that collaboration, that’s something I would like to see. But regarding statewide, if anything, I would like to see our First-Gen Con include other professors from other universities like UVU or Weber or SLCC. Like I would like to see that grow. There’s a lot that we can do. It’s a little hard sometimes, being the program coordinator, where I’m in the beginner position and don’t really know what the budget looks like or what is worthwhile for investing. And so in that sense itself, but definitely would like to do more upperclassmen outreach, if anything. Like the same workshops that we do in class, but outside of class to cater to upperclassmen and make it more consistently.

Lux:Yeah. In talking with some other first-gen students just through this project, I have heard folks say that they are very interested in that kind of support, having it extend beyond that first year, especially into the second and third years when we see a lot of folks drop out for a multitude of reasons, you know. But yeah, I think that makes so much sense. And I know the library would love to partner on as much as we can. So hit me up. 

Hector: Will do.

Lux: Especially for workshops. I know that scheduling spaces can be really challenging on campus. And if there are resources, the library is happy to share. So something to think about.

Hector: Thank you for that.

Lux: Of course, yeah. So this is a big reflection kind of question. Looking back at your time in higher ed, what’s one moment or accomplishment or experience that you feel really proud of?

Hector: I think I take a lot of pride in the workshops that I did in undergrad and what I’m doing now is a lot of just education and advocacy. In undergrad, I did a lot of workshops regarding tenant rights, free speech rights as students, the policies of higher education–at least at SUU–and how to navigate all of that. I took pride in that because I could see students learn. They were literally writing down notes. And then by the time I graduated, they took up these leadership roles. In that sense, [I’m] kind of doing that here, too, teaching students that there are other avenues of advocacy. There are other avenues of asking for help. There are other ways to get answers. So just kind of teaching them about their rights or, like, what the possibilities there are for them has been really cool and fulfilling. Just recently, I had a student come in who was just frustrated with the organization that they’re in, due to the red tape that they have to do with the laws. And like, I kind of pitched the idea. I’m like, you can still be an independent student org and still do a lot of what you want to do, but the only thing is that you need to fundraise. And that’s kind of hard sometimes. But just kind of explaining to them that it is possible. There’s other ways. It takes work. But if it’s something you’re passionate about, something that you really want to pursue, there’s avenues. There’s people who are willing to sit down and also support you in whatever mission. So that’s another thing I really take pride in, not teaching, like, yes, [it’s] university, grab a degree.” But also, like, networking, building a community. That’s one thing that I cite myself a lot. It was like, “No, there’s no way…There’s no way people want to come to my events.” But you build it, and they will come. It just takes the courage and the bravery to kind of put yourself out there. And so that’s kind of one thing I’ve taken a lot of pride in is that I was once that little student, where I finally started betting on myself…And I want to shake these students to wake up like, “You can dream big on yourself because I’m betting on you.”

Lux: Totally. And that is so huge. A theme that keeps coming up in interviews is that first-gen students and faculty who I have talked with–every single interview–they talk about the value of community and how that has been a huge resource for support in many, many ways. So, yeah, that makes sense. Alright, we’ve got one last question. So just to wrap up, do you have any advice that you would give. Say a high school student comes to your office and they’re like, “I’m kind of thinking about going to college, but I feel intimidated. I’m not sure what to do or how to start. What kind of advice would you have for that student?”

Hector: Like I would tell them word for word: It’s easier said than done, but ask for help. Ask for help. Go to counselors, talk to people…If there’s a group or community that you closely align with, find somebody there that’s gone through college and kind of get their advice. But also like if it’s a high school student here who has questions about college…first off, if it’s a high school student, telling them to explore colleges here in Utah, specifically, that are also cheap and also have been really great. Because that’s one thing…the U’s tuition for one semester is double the amount than SUU. And Pell Grant covers almost like 90% of SUU tuition. And so that’s one thing I wish I could tell students: Don’t lock in with the first school that people tell you to go to. Explore. And then from there, just ask questions, find resources, identity-based resources are a great place to start and then eventually go to interest-based. But that’s kind of how I would help them navigate. I wish we still had the centers, diversity centers specifically for identities because…If it’s a person of color and they need somebody who is specifically from the community, they can find somebody there. If they’re a woman who is the first in their family, it’s so important to have representation. And so that’s why I tell them these things, find somebody who is within your community or identity. If not, then just know that our shared identity of being first-gen is a good enough start for us to kind of navigate the questions that you want to ask. But yeah, I wouldn’t say find a trusted adult, but find somebody who’s also kind of in that similar boat. Again, it’s easier said than done. And I tell these students all the time, it’s easier said than done. But, yeah, identity-based is kind of a great way to start or interest-based. And there’s no such thing as wrong answers to that. So it’s a thing first-years need to realize. There’s no such thing as wrong answers. Yeah, that’s all I really can think of is just, like, search. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Because that’s another thing, too…I feel like students, I want to say they come and ask questions and expect these resources to be handed to them. But we also have to push them to go search for them as well. At least encourage them to.

Lux: Yeah, it is definitely not an easy thing to do. But I see it a lot with first-gen students. It takes a lot of strength to be vulnerable and say, “Hey, I don’t know the answer to this.” Or “Can you tell me how to find this?” So yeah, I think that’s really beautiful advice. Well, that is about it for us. Unless you have anything you want to add to the end here?

Hector: Not that I can think of at the moment.

Lux: Okay, cool. Well, I really appreciate you talking with me. I know that this is going to help a lot of other students potentially. And I feel honored to hear your story. Thank you for sharing that.

Hector: Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you for having me. It’s been fun. Enjoy your afternoon.